Worst Jokes Ever
What did the cell phone say to his wife?
"I will give you a ring."
(Wait, forgot about the 3rd third thing.) I have said this countless times, but it doesn't seem to be getting through to you: quit hating on particular jokes. You don't like it? Nobody cares. Don't go into the morbid jokes category, you idiots, ffs!
If you unironically think someone who killed themselves should have their body in jail, you are honestly such a fucking embarrassment to humanity.
I remember my grandad's last words: "Are you still holding the ladder?"
Why did the monkey take his banana to the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling good.
What do you call a scared octopus?
An octopussy.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To poo in the toilet.
Fail and fall mean the same thing when it’s downstairs.
Daughter: So, I got my period.
Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!
Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?
Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.
Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)
Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because he can't find home.
What does 1nan + 1nan = 2 smelly fucking dusty dumb fuck nans?
What do you call a cow that doesn't stop shaking?
A milkshake.
Me: I'm sorry, Aaron.
Aaron: Why?
Me: Your parents couldn't be bothered to look past page one in the big book of baby names.
I can't sit down anymore... My dad went too far this time.
I was walking home when I saw children crossing the street on their own. I went towards him and tapped his shoulder and said, "Hey, little kid, you are not supposed to be walking on your own." The kid turns out to be a dwarf.
Enough of the sex jokes! I mean, come on, they are not even funny!
What soda do mountains drink? Mountain Dew.
Why is pounding your mom like playing video games?
Because once you start, you just can’t stop until you win!
One day I caught my sister talking to my girlfriend, and she said, "You never told me you're lesbian." I said, "No, not at all." My girlfriend asked, "Why did you not tell her?" and I said, "Because every time I bring a girl home, I hear too much noise in her room, and I never get the chance to kiss them because she's cleaning the trash." She said, "Yeah, the trash is her junk."
Flex tape can fix a sawed-in-half boat. Then how the f*** can it not fix the Titanic when it broke in half? Tell me!