Worst Jokes Ever

These jokes cheered me up from suicide. This is amazing material. God bless all of you.

It's said Duracell batteries are supposed to last 75 years, well Stephen, here you are.

What's similar between a priest and McDonald's?

They both shove their meat in between 10 year old buns.

My friend committed suicide yesterday... At least he went out with a bang.

How to tell your kid he's adopted:

Son, I'm a virgin.

Instead of Edward Scissorhands, I’m Edwardscissor wrists.

Up into the sky so very far, here comes Dr. Seuss! "ALLAHU AKBAR", at the ripe old age of 97, he committed 9/11.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

Your forehead is a 20-mile taxi ride from your eyebrows to your hairline.

Now that Stephen Hawking is dead, the jokes will start to roll in just like he used to.

Have you heard of the current event in Africa? It’s called the Hunger Games.

What does my head and hell have in common?

They both have demons in them.

So, Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says, "Teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is." She replies, "Okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it." But before class ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties. After class is over and the students clear out, Johnny makes his guess. "Blue." "Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear. "Well, come with me out to my dad's car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money." She follows him out. When they get to the car, she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear. His dad exclaims: "That mother fucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your pussy before the end of the day!"

What do you call a blind racist?

A not see.

My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles' elbow.

Why did the blind man fall down the well?

He couldn't see that well.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and acne? Acne doesn't come on a 5-year-old's face.

Why do people in a wheelchair make bad jokes? Because they are bad at stand-up.

What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just WAVED. Can you SEA what I did there? I'm SHORE you did. Why are you so SALTY? Don't be a BEACH.

You know what the worst thing about gang rape is?

Having to wait your turn.