Worst Jokes Ever

Why are the Americans good at Rubik's cubes? Because they have a long history of separating colors.

I bet for Halloween you were a Goblin. How about you gobble deez nuts?

The difference between my life and a joke is that a joke has meaning.

What did the lesbian vampire say to the heterosexual woman after she was done licking her pussy after she was done having her blood period?

"I will be back next month."

"So I asked a genie if he could grant me this wish. I wished to be like Michael Jackson. The next day, I was in a playground full of little kids."

My girlfriend's a porn star.

She'd kill me if she found out.

Me: My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday, and I had her wheelchair.

Me: Guess who came crawling right back?

Balls in your jaws.

my therapist says with time all wounds can heal.

So I stabbed him. Now we wait.

You want to hear a rape joke? Yeah. Damn you ruined it.

Yo mama so ugly even Hello Kitty said goodbye.

Hi, if you are suffering with depression and want to talk about it, please do so in the comments, and just know you are NOT alone.

What do you call your angry French aunt?

A crossaunt.

Yo mama so fat, I saw her eat with 3 utensils: A spoon, a knife, and a FORKLIFT.

My mom told me yesterday that in this Valentine, we should take our love to new heights. So tomorrow I'm prepared to fuck her in "The Hot Seat" position.

Sketchy dude: If you push this button you get 100 million dollars but 100 million people would die.

Me: If I push it more than once do I get more money?

Sketchy dude: Yes, but more people die.

Me: *rapidly pushes button* This is how you solve world hunger.

Sketchy dude: ... wtf, you're insane.

Me: ...

I'm going to draw a picture. A picture with a twist. I'll draw it with a razor blade. I'll draw it on my wrist.

Why does China have the biggest eyewear?

Because all their eyes are too small.

What do you call an orphan when there 18?

Homeless.

What do you call a cow with no toes?

Lac-toes intolerant.