Worst Jokes Ever

Rape jokes are so incredibly offensive to stupid women like me who don’t understand what comedy is.

Q: What's the difference between Jesus and a picture?

A: One uses one nail to hang.

What do mice eat for dinner?

Mac n Cheese.

How many dead slaves does it take to change a lightbulb?

Apparently, more than 6, because my basement is still dark.

How do you make epileptic kids dance?

Throw a flash bang in their room.

One man was very depressed because he lost everything. He lost his job. He lost his home, and he lost his wife. So he went lonely into the forest to grieve.

Suddenly, with his head raised up, he sees Santa Claus walking by. "Santa?" he asks. "Why are you early? It is not even Christmas?"

"Ho, ho. Don't worry about me. Let's worry about you instead," says Santa. "What is the problem, my friend?"

"I lost everything good in my life. I got fired from my job. My wife divorced me. I lost my house."

Santa: "I can help you. You can wish three things you want in life, and I'll give it to you."

Man: "My first wish is I want my house back."

Santa: "Done!"

Man: "My second wish is I want 1 million in cash in my bank account."

Santa: "Done!"

Man: "My third wish is I also want my job back!"

Santa: "Done, but before I actually give you those wishes, I have to hump you."

Man: "Okay. Let's do it."

So Santa Claus takes off his pants to hump the man.

After they are done humping, Santa asks the man: "How old are you?"

Man: "I am 35 years old."

Santa: "And still believe in Santa Claus??!! HOHOHOHO!!!"

Ever heard of a reverse exorcism? It’s when the Devil tells the priest to exit the child’s body.

Somebody stole my joke.

So I stole their spinal cord.

When does a pentagon not have 5 sides?

When it’s intersected by a plane.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, You slept with my cousin but I did too.

Men and women are not equal, speaking biologically and mentally. I don't care what other feminists say. Men are naturally physically stronger, while women are more mentally stable (sometimes). The internet and the media will lie. You feminists say that you are stronger. Well, you wish. You can't hit a girl because she is more sensitive, but she says she is stronger. Like, what the hell?

We're not sexist men; you're sexist women. And BTW, you'll rot in hell for hating God's creation. And also, men were created before women. Search it up in the Bible or online.

One day, two friends found a treasure map. So they decided to try to find the treasure.

After several hours they found the treasure. It was a suit that gives the person wearing it super strength. One of the friends wore the suit and hugged the other friend. They were both red.

I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma, why is that man in a box?"

And she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "What kind of box did he live in before?! How is this box better than the last one?! It's just a box!"

And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.

I heard guns kill people, so I gave up my right to own one.

Then I heard dicks rape people, so I chopped it off.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?

Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, and Michael Jackson screwed little boys.

Q: Why did the first Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was dead.

Q: Why did the second Koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead too.

Q: Why did the third Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was hit by the other two Koalas on the way down.

Q: Why did the fourth Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it thought it was a game and joined in.

Q: Why did the fifth Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was curious to see where the others were going.

Q: Why did the sixth Koala fall off the tree? A: It was tied to the fifth koala.

Q: Why did the seventh Koala fall off the tree? A: Peer group pressure.

Why did the policeman rape the woman? Because he thought rapists wouldn't be attracted to non-virgins.

What’s the best thing about 26 year olds?

There are 20 of them.

What do you call a group of emo kids?

The suicide squad.

If chickens wake up when the rooster crows, then when do ducks wake up?

At the quack of dawn.