Worst Jokes Ever

My dog kept chasing people on a bike. Eventually, it got so bad I had to take his bike away.

Dinosaurs are like my dad. I never got to see either of them, and they are now extinct.

Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

The other day at school we had to write down our hero and what we would do if they walked into our house. I got off easy because my hero is Stephen Hawking.

how do you fit 4 gay guys on a stool?

you flip it over.

If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?

What is the difference between a preschool and my basement?

Little kids leave preschool.

Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an airplane landing strip? Don't know, neither did my dad.

What’s black, white, and red? A nun that fell down a 100 flight of stairs.

What’s black, white, and laughing? The nun that pushed her!

Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.

Officer sees a man and he is seeing he is having trouble walking, so he asked him, "Sir, are you drunk?" The man responds, "No, sir, I'm not drunk." So the officer asks, "How high are you?" And the man responds, "No sir, it's 'Hi, how are you?'"

My mom said, "Take out the trash," and I said, "Okay." The next day she asked, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "In line to get crushed."

There's a movie about constipation. It hasn't come out yet.

My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?”

I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”

Your mamma's so ugly, even the toaster wouldn't get in the bathtub with her.

If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?

My friends: Ugh, why are you so lazy and no fun?

My parents: Why can't you be like your siblings?

My teacher: I don't care if you're depressed, focus on your study!

The songs: We understand you :)

Titanic was sinking.

Passenger: "How far are we from land?"

Captain: "Two miles."

Passenger: "Which direction?"

Captain: "Down."

I like my humor like my people. Well done.