Worst Jokes Ever
Yo mama so clueless, she dialed 911 on the microwave.
My wife left a note on the fridge. The note read, "It's not working." I don't know what she's talking about. I opened the fridge, and it worked fine!
What do you get when you throw a pile of dead babies into a fryer?
Kentucky Fried Children!
What's it called when you eat those same babies?
Finger Lickin' Good!
What is an orphan's favorite time with his family?
"Me time."
My brother wanted to sharpen my pencil. I told him he had a point.
Dog walks into a bar and says, "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."
Why did the boy put a chicken 🐔 in his garden?
He wanted to grow an eggplant. 😂
What does Michael Jackson and McDonald's have in common?
They both use 30-year-old meat in between two-year-old buns.
A teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is.
When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I’m the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.”
“I still don’t get it,” responded Little Johnny.
“Why don’t you sleep on it then? Maybe you’ll understand it better,” said the dad.
“Okay then...good night,” said Little Johnny, and went off to bed.
In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother’s crying. He went to his baby brother’s crib and found that his baby brother shit in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent’s room to get help. When he got to his parent’s bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn’t there. So he went to the maid’s room. When he looked through the maid’s room keyhole, he saw his dad fucking his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, "OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is fucking the workforce, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of shit!"
What to say to a single guy who's insulting you: "Shut up, you horny virgin!"
In Israel, they don't have Walmarts; they only have Targets.
Have you ever walked into Helen Keller’s house?
She has.
What food does a Cheetah eat?
Cheetos!
When you think about it, Hitler wasn’t a bad person. He killed Hitler.
Your mom is so poor, she buys used food.
How would you multiply numbers in octoschool?
You octoply, obviously.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
Answer: 9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 5 seconds.
There was a man who had just moved from a foreign country. He just moved into his apartment and was watching his favorite TV shows. The first one was "me-me-me, me-me-me, me-me-me-me-me-me-me," the second one was "forks and knives, forks and knives, all I use is forks and knives," and the last one was "BRING IT ON, FAT MAN!!"
There had been a murder in the area, and the man was walking in the park when a cop showed up and asked him, "Sir, have you seen this man?" and held up a photo. The man said "me-me-me, me-me-me, me-me-me-me-me-me-me." The cop said, "Sir, what did you use?" and the man said "forks and knives, forks and knives, all I use is forks and knives." After that, the cop said, "Sir, I'm going to have to arrest you," and the man said "BRING IT ON, FAT MAN!!" The screen goes black, and all you can here "chk-chk. BANG"
What is an astronaut's favorite letter on a keyboard?
SPACE.
What did Michael Jackson say when he became a triangle? Tetraheehee!