Worst Jokes Ever

What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A dino-snore!

Your life. That's all.

I drove my Chevy to the levy, but the levy was... Oh, CRAP!!!

Why was the Computer late to work?

'Coz it had a hard drive... LMAO

"Tibia" honestly, I think the reason I’m "bonely" is because you guys don’t find my jokes "humerus."

Maybe if I played the trombone it would get people’s attention, but "tibia" honest I can’t be bothered, so just look at my "BONE-zai" tree, although my brother doesn’t really like that one, so how about a "S-pine" tree?

Suzy: How did Jonah fit in the whale?

Teacher: Whales are very big but have small mouths, so Jonah did not actually fit in the whale.

Suzy: Well, the Bible says he did.

Teacher: He did not.

Suzy: When I get to heaven I will ask him how he fit in.

Teacher: How do you know he went to heaven? Maybe he went to hell.

Suzy: Then you can ask him.

I posted on my Facebook account that you have a picture on Facebook.

I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.

What does a bird say when it gets sick?

I flu!

Have you heard the joke about the paper?

Never mind, it's tear-able.

When I try to call my friend, I can't get through because my name is Lin Kon, and the operator keeps saying, "Yes, Mr. President."

My sister said I'm stupid today, and she's the one who wrote this.

Alright, I'm gonna make like a tree and leaf.

*****You have to leave right after you tell this joke.****

What’s the difference between 1000 used tires and 1000 used condoms?

One's a good year and one's a great year.

You better get used to having dry cereal cuz your dad ain't never bringing the milk back.

Pussies and tits have one thing in common: they're both made for kids, but men end up licking or suckling them.

Guy: Hey, Siri, I failed my final exams, can you cheer me up?

Siri: What’s the difference between you and your grandma? Your grandma passed!

I kicked a ball at a kid in a wheelchair and screamed, "Rocket League!"

Your mama's so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it said, "To be continued."