Worst Jokes Ever
Do you put a baby in the microwave covered or uncovered?
Covered, it can take weeks to clean up the explosion.
So, on one partly cloudy night, there was a boy and his dad gazing up at the sky.
Dad: Aren't the stars just wonderful?
Boy: I'm not sure, from my angle, all I see are clouds.
Dad: Well, come over here and take a look.
Boy: Damn, the clouds always move when I get to the right spot!
Dad: Well then, I guess I will have to make you see them everywhere you look then.
Then the Dad shook and spun the boy around till he said...
NOW I'M SEEING STARS!!!
What do you call a train that stalls?
The little engine that couldn't!
My wife accused me of cheating. I told her she started to sound like my wife.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
More than five because my basement is still dark.
What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?
Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.
Q: What did the DNA say to the other DNA?
A: Do these genes make my butt look fat? 💩
Why can't orphans sign up for sports?
They have to have a parent's signature.
Did you hear that Uranus is cracked?
Why is the beach friendly?
Because it waves!
My girl got mad at me last night for saying to my mom that she had a dildo ready at all times and is always hard, so my mom wanted to see. So I whipped out my penis and my mom said it’s bigger than your dad’s!
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
'Cause 7 8 9.
So I went to the bank and a lady asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her over.
"The rise of atheism is going to lead to a break down of social morals and lead to all kinds of filth, including an increase in child abuse," said the village priest.
The village scientists did some fact checking. In prison, they found roughly 70% of child abusers were hyper religious before committing the crimes, and another 20% converted to religions to look 'remorseful'. The remaining 10% preferred not to say. They presented the findings to the media.
"Scientists slander good religious folk and ignore the weight of evidence!"
"Is Science biased against religion? You decide in this survey," they reported.
The village priest is living at his majesty's convenience and tells the others he committed armed robbery.
"Why is this a joke? It's not even funny!" said the person reading this, breaking the forth wall.
What is funny is you got to the end of this post and didn't cringe. Why not?
Steven Hawking lost the Wi-Fi connection on March 14, 2018.
What's bald and can't grow no hair?
A kid with cancer.
What do you call a bunch of microcephalics in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
Mom: Hey hun, need some money for lunch at school?
Son: No, I got 1k already.
Mom: Wait, what, how?
Son: Mom's wallet is magic.
Why can't I have any chocolate ice cream for dessert? Because I made it disappear up your ass for good.
How do you put a baby alien to sleep?
You rocket. 🚀🚀🚀