Worst Jokes Ever

Girl: Dad, where are you?

Dad: I went to go get milk.

Girl: But we have milk.

Dad: I know, I just don't love you.

So I had an idea: you and a friend go bar (pub (whatever you call it)) hopping and propose to said friend in each one so everyone buys you free drinks and you get drunk and have a great time.

Why was Stephen Hawking never trusted when taking a quiz?

"No computers allowed on the test!"

I asked my dad, "Are we there yet?" and he told me, "Don't worry, son, it will be a short ride!"

Why was the chicken screaming?

He had an egg stuck in his butt.

When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.

My mom bought me a car, and she called me an ungrateful b*tch because I sat in my wheelchair the whole time.

I made a joke about putting babies in the microwave and got told I was a disgusting person.

So from now on I’ll only make baby in the deep fryer jokes.

Guys, can we change pride month to another month, please? My birthday is in June, and I'm not gay, and my friends keep making fun of me. I think we should change it to March because my brother's birthday is in March, and that'd be funny.

Are you a train because I want to get railed by you? ;)

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They can't find their way home.

How many letters are in the English Alphabet?

Twenty-two. ET went home, P ran down his leg, and he took ME with him.

If you ever get cold, just go to a corner because they're usually 90 degrees.

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends' noses.

Does it cycle now? 🚲

I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake.

... It was a bittersweet victory.

Why can't an orphan have an iPad?

They can't find the home button.

I met an amazing girl online. Smart, sexy... uninhibited.

Of course it turned out to be a 12 year old paraplegic boy... I have to admit... The sex was disappointing.

Your momma is so fat, when she chose a yellow shirt when she was on a run, the kids ran after her because they thought they missed the bus.

Do you know Stephen is dead? He doesn't have a stone. Do you know how to find him? A metal detector.

These are the reasons the West will fall. Also, men's rights are f***ing stupid if men keep voting for rich whites!