Worst Jokes Ever
I got evicted from the hospital today for telling all the patients to stay positive!
What a negative effect!
My friend is upset with me because I sniffed his grandmother's nickers. Not sure if it was because she was still wearing them or if it was because the whole family was watching. Either way, the rest of her funeral was really awkward.
How many terrorists does it take to tile a roof?
It depends on how thin you slice them.
Your mother is responsible for all the train drivers that are never ever late. She taught them all to pull out on time.
A farmer artificially impregnated a cow. The cow said to another cow, "It's a miracle, I'm pregnant." The other cow said, "That's impossible, it's only us cows in the field, you must be joking." The first cow said, "Nope, I'm serious... no bull!"
Basketballs are bigger than end.
My friend playing truth or dare asked me: "Dare".
My friends: "I dare you to go home."
I can’t take credit for this joke; it’s not mine.
Remember that time Joe Biden fell off his bike? He said it’s not his fault. He blamed the tires for being too inflated.
Yo body so plastic that a turtle could choke on your peeled skin!
What's the difference between a blowjob and cough syrup?
They can both give you relief and make you gag at the same time.
I was in math class when my teacher gave us homework, and she said to me, "You're gonna get an F this time." So I went back home, and f**k my teacher.
Why do the brakes keep squealing?
Because the driver hit it too hard.
Megamind.
Your mom is so overweight that she broke the stairway to heaven.
"Hi, I’m Dan White’s dad. Where is he?"
How do people eat bread?
I thought the Sahara was the largest desert until I saw your forehead.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t hit home runs.
Why do orphans become criminals?
To feel what it is like to be wanted.
What kind of streets do ghosts haunt?
Dead ends.