Nope, should've gone to Specsavers.
Worst Jokes Ever
Using Pi, distract that fat kid next to you and copy his answers.
In other news, we are hearing of a nasty helicopter crash on the M4. Let's cross live to our eye-in-the-sky, Mark. Mark?
A new feature that we are bringing to the Olympics is 3D viewing. So if you're watching the javelin, I would look away now.
And there's the referee taking down Ronaldo's number.
Not really the time or the place, but it's good to see that we've kept homophobia out of football.
You have been accused of stealing toilet rolls. How do you plead?
Guilty or not guilty?
Pineapple turnover.
A few days ago, I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and he sent me a large goat with a long neck. Turns out I phoned Dial-a-Llama.
I find it difficult to count to ten in French: un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept.
I can't say the next one because I have a "huit" allergy.
It's tricky when you're both a moth and a sea captain in charge of a ship, but up ahead, you see a lighthouse.
Overall, I'd say my career as a photographer has been a bit of a blur.
I went out to buy some camouflage shirts the other day. Couldn't find any.
I was at a concert in the front row, and I shouted something to the band's guitarist. He took it the wrong way and responded: "I'm going to go down there and hit you with my guitar!"
And I replied: "Is that a death fret?"
A Chelsea fan called Timo Werner on his phone to encourage him during his bad form. Timo Werner still missed all the calls.
What does a nosy pepper do? Gets JALAPEÑO BUSINESS!
What happens when you hear about Mary Brittain beating a Thomas?
You cook spaghetti with his blood!
How do bees get to school?
They go on a school buzz.
Why do orphans like going to church?
Because they actually get to say "father" for once.
Jokes are like food, not everyone has it.
What's an orphan's least favorite day? Take your kid to work day.