Worst Jokes Ever
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.
But that’s just me in a nutshell.
You can assume a horse is called a great jumper when the horse’s name is “Polo Neck”.
Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.
What's the slowest train in the world? A slow coach!
How does a train dance?
It bogies!
Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.
That made my father very mad, as we didn't have a fireplace.
This bitch won't message me anymore, what the fuck do I do? Why are bitches so sensitive?
What makes jokes because it's lonely and a complete and utter loser?
This guy, yep, this guy right here.
Why can't I get a girlfriend?
Because I'm a beta male simp.
How did my dad know I was gay?
He stuck his cock in me and I liked it.
I can’t take credit for this joke; it’s not mine.
Remember that time Joe Biden fell off his bike? He said it’s not his fault. He blamed the tires for being too inflated.
Why are orphans bad at Yahtzee?
Because they don't know what a full house is :(
True fact: School shooters aren’t dangerous to you if you're the school shooter.
Yep, if someone says to you, "I can't roast trash," say, "Well, some trash is used for recycling, and that is why you have a baby brother!"
How do you scare a lot of people in New York?
Open a mobile hotspot named "Delta Inflight Wifi."
My friend was in Afghanistan when he saw someone got shot, and then they bombed him. Now he called them the "Talkwakers."
If you’re American when you go in the bathroom...
... and American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?
European.
Puss.
If Bruce Willis (the guy in the Christmas movie Die Hard) dies of a Viagra overdose, would that mean he truly dies hard?
Your hairline is so discombobulated, it looks like a geometrical shape.