What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?
Getting them to come out of their shell.
Worst Jokes Ever
What fruit is square and green? A lemon in disguise.
What's the most confusing day of the year for an illegitimate kid?
Father's Day.
I see 6 letters in "the past."
I have 2020 vision.
I see 7 letters in "the future," I have 2021 vision.
What does the chicken say when he didn't understand something?
"What hap-HENd?"
Why does new pavement smell like butt?
In other words you can also call it asphalt.
Ass-phalt.
A chicken is delicious.
What can you catch but not throw?
A cold!
Why does a robot malfunction when they get sad?
Because they have a break down.
Why did the gym close down?
Because it just didn't work out.
What do you call a female octopus? An octopussy.
What do you say to your pony when it's being wild?
Stop horsing around!
Do you want to hear a building joke?
I am still working on it.
In 2006 on 6/9, there was something called communication opportunity happened. On 6/9. 69. Coincidence? I think NOT.
Well, we started off by ripping up ALL of the decking.
Abandon ship!
Are multiple choice questions too easy?
A) Yes.
I am Thor.
And next year, I will be five.
I don't really trust the press. Sometimes they wear badges that say "press," but if you press those badges, they just fall over, all surprised.
Someone complimented me on my driving last week. They left a note saying, "Parking Fine!"
If there's a guy without legs, he begins to hear boss music when a stack of shelves appear.