Tomato jokes
Why is there a 76 button on a bottle of ketchup?
To bring sweet luck.
What did the tomato say to the empty ketchup bottle? "GOD STAY AWAY FROM ME!"
Lettuce: Tomato, you're doing great!
Tomato: Thanks for the condiment!
How do you fix a broken pizza? With tomato paste.
What did the mommy tomato tell the little tomato?
You better ketchup!
(There was a mommy tomato, a daddy tomato, and a baby tomato.)
Baby: Wait for me!
(Father tomato walks back toward the baby.)
(He squishes the child.)
Father: Ketchup!
I was making a coffee for my boss and this was the supposed recipe:
1 egg 1 tomato diced bell peppers a bag of sugar sea salt coffee beans rusted nails.
I got fired and spent the next 20 years in prison with a dude named Papa Bear.
Today I went to get a sub, and they asked me if I wanted all vegetables. I said no, leave some for the rest of the customers.
What did the squash say to the tomato?
Ketchup!
What do you call a burnt retard?
Tomato
The lettuce and tomato were in a race. The lettuce was a head and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
Have you heard about the awesome fruit race?
The lettuce was ahead, but the tomato was able to ketchup!
What did the tomato say to the other tomato?
What did the salad dressing say to the tomato?
"Don't look! I'm dressing!"
Why did the tomato go red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
What do you call a red potato?
A tomato. 🍅
(I know it's cringe!)
What did the tomato say to the sad pickle?
"What's the big dill?"
Hey amazing people! The Prankster is back! This prank was on my sister and her friends. (tbh I did not think she had friends.)
I set out some snacks for them! Btw (I can't be trusted).
I gathered some "slapies."
The things I gathered were tomatoes, onions, milk, carrots, ice cream, and some dried-out green beans! All that stuff!
I need the tomatoes to make a sauce because I am going to put that with the ice cream, mix that up with the milk, yea yea it might look like a gross and nasty dish...WRONG!!!! I am going to make it into a little snack...anyway we make that into a snack for her and her friends. The onions are used to make their eyes cry and burn but I will give them a towel after that. The dried-out green beans are just to make them go over the top and overreact because I did not cook them. After that, we make it like it's not so icky!
I feed it to them!
They overreacted!
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Bye!
Asked my dad what LGBT stands for.
He started with "Lettuce? Bacon. Tomato. What's the 'g' for?" Obviously, I had to reply with "Garnish."
Do you know Ligma?
Have fun rubbing those balls in your tomatoes!