Toilet jokes

I got in touch with my inner self today, it's the last time I use 1-ply toilet roll.

Do you know the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?

So you're the one!

The toilet having an argument with the toilet paper, the owner of the house had diarrhea, who's day was more shittier!?

Head teacher talking about recent vandalism during school assembly:

"And to those of you who wrote Mr. Smith's telephone number on the door of the girl's toilets, he would like to make it clear that the last digit is a 7 and not a 4."

How do you help a constipated person?

You scare the shit out of them!

You're so ugly that when you walk past the toilet, it flushes itself.

You are American when you walk to the bathroom. What are you when you are in there?

You're-a-peein'. European.

Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because she was crummy.

What did the toilet say to the other toilet? You look flushed.

What has 1 head, 1 foot, and 4 legs? A bed.

HOLY CRAP!!!

Crap with holes in it.

Get it? HOLE - Y?

There's a movie about constipation. It hasn't come out yet.

Today, there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So, he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there.

When he was done, he realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So, he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it, my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”

Did you know toilets, while you're at work, eat your toilet paper?

A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.

As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"

Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

Because it was stuck in a crack.

Kid: I forgot to flush the toilet, sorry I just forgot.

Adult: Just like your parents forgot YOU 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

What did the bottle of conditioner do on the toilet?

Shampoo.

If Trump pooped in a toilet, the toilet would die.

Confucius say, man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

How did the toilet react when it received a gift?

That was so pot full (thoughtful)!

Yo mama is so ugly, she scared the sh*t out of the toilet.