Toilet jokes
When I'm peeing in a toilet I don't pee directly into the water. I pee on the curved part of the bowl beside the water because I figure it splashes less, but when you're peeing that close to the edge, the sporadic tiny offshoots of pee become a greater threat.
I'm not sure if the accumulation of these offshoots is greater than the potential splashback from peeing mid-bowl. It's possible that I'm thinking about this too much, but it's also possible that I'm not thinking about this enough.
Why was the sand wet? Because the sea weed!
What did the toilet say to the other toilet?
"You look flushed."
I got in touch with my inner self today, it's the last time I use 1-ply toilet roll.
A dad asked his son what kind of cake he wanted for his birthday, and he replied, "How about a urinal cake?!"
Why can't the toilet paper be cheeky?
It's between cheeks at the moment.
What do Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?
Both fly around Uranus and wipe out Klingons!
Why did the chicken explode? Because he pooped his pants!
Kid: I forgot to flush the toilet, sorry I just forgot.
Adult: Just like your parents forgot YOU 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Toot and poop.
Toothbrush says, "I have the worst job ever."
Toilet paper says, "You think your job is shitty."
Have you read "50 Yards to the Outhouse" by Willie Makeit and Probly Not?
Someone stole my toilet, and the police have nothing to go on.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I took a poo, and it smelt like you.
What does the starship Enterprise & toilet paper have in common?
Answer: They both circle Ur-Anus looking for Kling-Ons!
Me after Taco Bell: Go to: [link to image of broken toilet]
Today, there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So, he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there.
When he was done, he realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So, he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it, my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”
There's a movie about constipation. It hasn't come out yet.
The toothbrush says, "I have the worst job in the whole world."
The toilet paper behind him says, "Yeah, right."
Do you know the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?
So you're the one!