Toilet jokes

What did the kid say to the toilet?

"Did you order a number two because I got one ready for you?"

What did one butt cheek say to the other?

"Together we can stop this shit!"

You're so ugly you scared the crap out of the toilet!

Wanna hear a poop joke?

Nah, they always stink.

"OK, son," he says. "It's as easy as counting to 5."

1. Pull down your pants. 2. Pull back your foreskin. 3. Pee in the toilet. 4. Put your foreskin back. 5. Pull up your pants.

From then on, every time the boy goes to the toilet, he counts from 1 to 5. One day, the father noticed his son was taking quite some time in the toilet. He went to check on him and overheard his son saying, "2,4,2,4,2,4,2,4."

You're so full of shit that the toilet's jealous.

Man: Hi, Doc, I have a problem. I take a shit at 6:00 AM every morning.

Doc: What's wrong with that?

Man: I don't wake up until 8:00 AM.

You know if you poo on the toilet at 11:59 PM...

Then at 12:01 AM, it's just the same shit, different day...

My friend is gonna release an air strike. There has to be at least 20 confirmed toilet kills.

What did Spock encounter in the Enterprise toilet?

The Captain's Log.

What did the toilet say to the other toilet?

"You look flushed."

When it comes to recycling toilet paper, you really need to process the crap out of it.

How does a blind person know they've wiped their ass enough?

If a physically handicapped gay white male is sitting on the toilet in the handicapped stall, and if you are a gay white male that is well-endowed that is not physically handicapped, and if you want the physically handicapped gay white male who is sitting on the toilet in the handicapped stall to suck your dick, what do you do to convince him to suck your dick if you have a hard on and your horny as hell?

Put $25.00 under the handicapped stall before you put your dick under the handicapped stall.

What do Cavemen poop in?

A Neander stall.

You’re so fat that when you sit on the toilet, it says, “A B C D E F G, get your butt off of me!”

Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?

Because the "p" is silent.

Why do people poop?

Because it we need to!

"Do you know the difference between wallpaper and toilet paper?" Replies, "No." "Gross!"

I have a daily routine where I take a crap every morning at 6 AM, but wake up at 7 AM. And it's not even a joke.