Toilet

Toilet Jokes

Head teacher talking about recent vandalism during school assembly:

"And to those of you who wrote Mr. Smith's telephone number on the door of the girl's toilets, he would like to make it clear that the last digit is a 7 and not a 4."

Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated When I told him this, he said, 'Are you kidding me?'.

I said, 'I shit you not.'

a man walks up to lil johnny one day and asks if you had one wish but that wish will be granted to everyone on earth so the lil johnny thinks real hard and long then said well i would wish for me to shit my self and the man is shocked and asks why and lil johnny reply's well i would be on the toilet i thing everyone else would just be confused

A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders. As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"

Other jokes:

1. Why did the ketchup blush? He saw the salad dressing.

2. What did the elephant ask the naked man? How do you breathe out of that thing?

3. How do you make your husband scream during sex? Call him and let him hear it.

4. Why does the mermaid wear seashells? She outgrew her b-shells!

5. How is life like toilet paper? You’re either on a roll or taking shit from someone.

6. What does one boob say to the other boob? If we don’t get support, people will think we’re nuts.

7. What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A man will actually search for a golf ball.

8. What did Cinderella do when she arrived at the ball? She gagged.

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I hate it when people are at my house and ask “do you have a bathroom?” What answer Are they expecting “no, we pee in the yard”

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- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop - Right. So you weight yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool. - Oh..that might actually be even easier

I figured out why everyone is buying toilet paper because a huge rock is headed towards earth and paper covers rock

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👨 + 👩 + 👦 + 👬 + 👧 +👭 + 🚻 + 💩 = 🚽 + 💩 + 🚽 = 🪠 💩 + 🪠= 🚽+ 💩 + 🐘 + 💩 + 🚻 + 🚽 + 🪠 = 😭