Toilet jokes
PERSON: I need to go so bad!
TOILET: Long time no pee!!!
What's the same with a toilet and anal sex? Your ass gets numb after a while.
Head teacher talking about recent vandalism during school assembly:
"And to those of you who wrote Mr. Smith's telephone number on the door of the girl's toilets, he would like to make it clear that the last digit is a 7 and not a 4."
It's all shits and giggles till somebody giggles and shits.
If you are American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?
Euro-peein'.
What did the maxi pad say to the fart? "You are the wind beneath my wings."
How can you surprise someone who is blind?
Leave a plunger in the toilet.
How does Stephen Hawking take a shit? He logs out.
Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.
When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"
I said, "I shit you not."
You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?
European.
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
A man walks up to Lil Johnny one day and asks, "If you had one wish, but that wish will be granted to everyone on Earth... what would it be?"
So Lil Johnny thinks real hard and long, then said, "Well, I would wish for me to shit myself."
The man is shocked and asks why, and Lil Johnny replies, "Well, I would be on the toilet. I think everyone else would just be confused!"
So, a bear and a rabbit are in a field. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Does your poop stick to your fur?" The rabbit replied, "No." Then the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his butt.
I hate it when people are at my house and ask, "Do you have a bathroom?" What answer are they expecting? "No, we pee in the yard?"
Have you heard about the movie "Constipation"?
No, because it never came out...
Where does the Batman go to pee?
The Batroom.
Confucius say, man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
If you're American when you go in the bathroom and you're American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?
European.
I have a little John.
An orphan uses a family bathroom, and when he comes out, he gets told, "This is a family bathroom."