Time jokes

Yo mama so fat, her cheeks are in different time zones.

Why do orphans play GTA so much?

Because they can be wanted for once.

A little riddle...

Trump has it short, Kennedy has it long, the Pope has it but he doesn't use it, what is it?

...

Obviously the Surname, what are you thinking about you pervert?

My BFF asked me: "You know why it took Carlos 3 days to move on?"

I said: "Why?"

My BFF says: "Well, it's because he was already cheating!"

I said: "KNEW IT!"

I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.

A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.

This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.

Depressed procrastinators feel like they wanna kill themselves sometime soon.

Blondes like their men how they like their rice: brown, 500 at a time, and all in her bowl.

I like my orphans how I like my wine, locked in my basement for ten.

My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!

It's not my birthday, but a scary-looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house.

Why was everybody so tired on April 1st? Because they just finished a March of 31 days!

A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners.

The lady says, "Come again!"

The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."

I sleep in a castle once every 2 weeks.

It's my fort knight.

A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato clock.

The shop keeper said, "I don't know what a potato clock is."

The man said, "Me neither, but I'm starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9, so I'd have to get a potato clock."

Your mum is so slow, it took her nine months to make a joke.

I tell dad jokes all the time even though I’m not actually a dad.

I’m a faux pa.

If two blind people meet, one of them says: "Long time, no see!"

Why are people in Japan so thin?

Because it didn't end well the last time a Fat Man was there.

What did Chris Brown say the first time he saw Rihanna?

I’d hit that.