Time jokes

A little girl asks her mum, "Mummy how was I born?"

Her mother smiled and replied: "Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day."

"The seed slowly grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful, healthy plant. So me and Daddy took the plant, dried it, smoked it and got so high that we fucked without a condom!"

You know every time we think of sex, an angel dies.

We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.

My mother was suffering from menstrual pain. So I fucked her for 7 hours to ease her pain. I continued to do so for the next 6 days. Even after fucking her 51 times during her 7-day period, I fucked her 5-6 times a day for the next three months and stopped her period for 9 months! Only her son can understand and ease the pain of a mother.

I had amnesia once... maybe twice.

What did the man say when he swallowed a clock and tried to go to the bathroom?

WATCH OUT!!!

What time are most dentist appointments? Tooth hurty.

People wear chokers, and I'm a choker too, because I tried to choke myself 6 times.

Why was 10 scared?

Because it was in the middle of 9/11.

Why are people in Japan so thin?

Because it didn't end well the last time a Fat Man was there.

What did Chris Brown say the first time he saw Rihanna?

I’d hit that.

If two blind people meet, one of them says: "Long time, no see!"

What time do terrorists arrive in New York City?

9:11 AM

I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.

Yo mama so fat, her cheeks are in different time zones.

Why can't orphans really play baseball?

Because when they do, all the other kids tell that joke that everyone has heard more than 50 times.

I am never wrong. One time I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.

If her age is on the clock, she can sit on my cock.

My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!

It's not my birthday, but a scary-looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house.

A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners.

The lady says, "Come again!"

The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."

Why was everybody so tired on April 1st? Because they just finished a March of 31 days!