Time jokes
Old.
Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense.
They have to come out of the closet sometime.
A vagina is like the weather. Once it’s wet, it’s time to go inside.
Helen Keller is the kind of person to ask you what the time is.
How many retards does it take to change a lightbulb? None! They are still too busy trying to turn off the dark.
Click...uh Click..........,.UH!!
Confucius say, never try win head-butting contest with mongoloid: you’ll lose every time and only hurt yourself.
(mono gloid? mong a’ loid squeals)
Did you hear the one about the dog raised by retards?
All he’d do is go “Uh-f, uh-f....Ooohhhh!”
The only time you see a depressed person lifted up is when they hang themselves.
Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.
Mom: OMG, why son?
Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.
Think about it, then spread LMAO.
Me: What's the difference between me and my grandpa?
Friends: What?
Me: I've been alive for the past 14 years.
Yo mama eat so much that she threw up a thousand times and said, "Help me, son!"
I went home one day, and three guys—a Spanish guy, a Chinese guy, and a white guy—told me, "You should be proud of your sister. She won a trophy about knowing her flavor of meats." Then my sister told me that I was blindfolded, and she gave all of them a blowjob, and I had to guess which flavor that I was sucking on. I was right all the time, and they gave me a trophy. The Trophy says "Blowjobs of the Flavors." As a brother, I couldn't be prouder.
When I was at work, I saw this kid crying. I said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working in an orphanage.
Hi, oooo was the day I was a kid. I was going home to school today after dinner!
What do suicidal people do in their spare time? Hang out.
Life is like a box of chocolates; it doesn’t last long for people.
Is it weird that a milk carton has a date, and I don’t?
I was in a toxic relationship. After some time, my girlfriend died. Her name was Happy. Still got no clue of her body, and here I am lying on the bed so fucking happy.
My history teacher asked my class what time they would go back to just to see what happened.
I said I'd go back to Hitler's childhood to tell him the lies that he becomes the ruler of the world by starting the Nazis, and leave his death out of the discussion.
What is always in front of you but can’t be seen?
Answer: The future.
Friend 1: Eyyy gurl
Me: Hey! (Fake smile)
Friend 2: Hey g-guys what 'bout we play would you rather?
6 hours later
Friend 2: So (name) would u rather? 1. "Hang" out with me Or 2. "Jump" 1 times?
Me...e-eh?...Why not both????? We could just "Jump" while "Hanging" out right?
"Eeee, is a time for a tree night out to a tree. 🌲 I can fly to the earth day to day day one night type and a walk in and a tree."