Time jokes
What time do terrorists arrive in New York City?
9:11 AM
Kid: Why do orphans like tennis?
Dad: Because it's the only time they get "love."
Why do orphans have only 363 days in their calendar year?
Because they don't have father's and mother's days.
You ever try sexting with AI? Every time I type “I’m coming,” it replies, “Coming where? Need directions?”
If your parachute fails midair, remember, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
Mom says: "I will go kill myself."
Me: *stays quiet cuz knows better than to talk* *also me internally eyerolls*
Some time later me fighting with my mom:
Me to my mom: "Oh, yea than kill me!"
Mom: "What the hell did you just say? I don't want to hear it from you again!"
Lesson?
So it's OK for adults to say "I'll kill myself" but not teens/kids!?!?
Yo mama so old, she was in third grade with Moses.
What should you do after banging the tightest pussy?..
Just put the diaper on her 😉
How did the Apple and the emo fall off the tree at the same time?
Because Paul Walker crashed into it.
Isn't eating a clock time-consuming?
Why are people in Japan always skinny?
Because last time there was a "Fat Man", a whole city disappeared.
Why are orphans so sad?
Because every time they swallow, they think... "You should have Mom."
How do you know someone is fucking dumb?
They put jokes that have been used several times already.
Yo mama so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas, and it's still printing to this day!
Can anyone answer this riddle? Apparently this is the world's hardest riddle! Good luck 😝
“I turn polar bears white, and I will make you cry. I make guys have to pee, and girls comb their hair. I make celebrities look stupid, and normal people look like celebrities.”
Roses are red, give me some limes, boy dies after masturbating 42 times.
Wash It Away - By Bradley Lewis(watersharky) and Ben Lewis and Watersharky Music Productions - Why does it always feel like I'm the one that's had a bad day?
Whether I'm stuck in traffic or showing up to work late,
Oh this 9 to 5 feels like 9 to forever been working all week
For a jerk that thinks they can say whatever they want to me
I'll just bite my tongue for a couple more days
Soon I'll be in that island sun surfing those waves
I need the beach I love the ocean
Put my feet in the sand
Watch the earth in motion
Ya had a bad week ya had a bad day
Take it to the shoreside and wash it away
Oh yeah
You gotta wash it away
Finally I'm here and I can't even stop myself from smiling
Somebody hand me a beer and I'll check the girls on the island
Don't miss my 9 to 5
Living like a local on this island time
I got those sandy toes and nobody knows jump in the ocean and just go with the flow
I'll miss my sandy toes
I've got to go back before you know this island is my home
I need the beach I love the ocean
Put my feet in the sand
Watch the earth in motion
Ya had a bad week ya had a bad day
Take it to the shoreside and wash it away
Oh yeah
You gotta wash it away
Wash it away
I need the beach I love the ocean
Put my feet in the sand
Watch the earth in motion
Ya had a bad week ya had a bad day
Take it to the shoreside and wash it away
Oh yeah
You gotta
Wash it away
Wash it away
What does Drake call his rake?
Da-Rake.
I KNOW IT'S MARCH, BUT I THOUGHT OF THIS!
Jingle bells, jingle bells! OH GOD, SANTA FELL!
I guess it's time for Mrs. Claus to go straight down to hell!
The cop that is on a 12 o'clock shift says, "Hands up!"