Time jokes
Life is like a box of chocolates; it doesn’t last long for people.
You're so skinny that every time you get an X-ray, you call it a selfie.
Studies have shown that in London, a person is stabbed 24 times a second. Poor bastard!
Why are Muslims terrible at football?
Because every time they have a corner, they build a shop.
What's the difference between God and Ron DeSantis?
God does not think he is Ron DeSantis.
Why are birds good at social media?
Because they "tweet" all the time!?
Who are the fastest readers?
9/11 victims, they did 98 stories in 10 seconds.
Yo mama so fat that every time she takes a swim, the Arctic sinks by a mile!
Bianca: Mr. Doeken, even though I completed my test, you still said it was "late." Why is that?
Mr. Dowon: Bianca, for the LAST TIME, MY LAST NAME IS DOWON!
Bianca (🤨): Are you sure?
Mr. Dowon (😒): What do you need, Bianca?
Bianca: It's Bianca!
Mr. Dowon: Are you sure?
Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory?
He only took a day off.
If I smiled one centimeter each time I watched someone I hated die, I'd look like the Cheshire Cat.
Stephen Hawking will be greatly missed for the time he walked this Earth.
Why does the president take so long to deliver each sentence?
He’s just Biden his time.
I'd like to have kids one day.
I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.
Yo mama so fat, every time she measures her carbon footprint the website breaks.
Why did the clock out the library?
It tocked too much!
What time is it if you sprain an ankle or an arm?
Time to go to the doctor! 🥼
Everyone thought I'd have a great year...
14 years just gave me more chances.
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
It only takes one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has to want to change.
What time is it when you say, "Wake up?"
It is morning.