What's the difference between a dad and an Emo?
They both don't last a while.
I KNOW IT'S MARCH, BUT I THOUGHT OF THIS!
Jingle bells, jingle bells! OH GOD, SANTA FELL!
I guess it's time for Mrs. Claus to go straight down to hell!
What takes 10 seconds to go SLPAT! on the ground?
9/11 victim!
Did you know an eraser on a pencil slowly dies from your mistakes?
And did you know you're actually supposed to live for 25 minutes, but every time you breathe, it resets time?
I hope every time you watch YouTube, you get 30 second unskippable ads!
I looked at your hairline, and when I saw you, I thought to myself of the last time I was a baby.
Me time
You are so fat that the waiter said to you every time: "Sorry for your weight" instead of "Sorry for the wait."
My BFF asked me: "You know why it took Carlos 3 days to move on?"
I said: "Why?"
My BFF says: "Well, it's because he was already cheating!"
I said: "KNEW IT!"
Your forehead so big your thoughts started on a Monday and didn't end 'til Sunday.
Yo mama so fat, One Punch Man had to punch 3 times.
I talk about the girls in my math class simping over anime characters and making random ships as well as for Miraculous Ladybug children's show, whatever the show is called, but it's a kids show. 💀 Now they’re searching up pictures of Tom Holland laughing in their absolute weirdness.
I like Tom Holland, but these kids man, they like him like they’re in a relationship. They might as well start kissing and licking the screen. They’re probably writing fanfictions in their free time when they aren’t searching up kids show characters, anime characters, and Tom Holland pics on their SCHOOL CHROMEBOOK. Their only device choice was a school-provided laptop which is monitored by the school while they are writing fan fictions on Google Docs and searching up some weird Tom Holland stuff. Imagine how Tom Holland would feel if he found out that there are 11 year old girls searching up some weird stuff about him.
You know why morning food digests so quickly.
Because it breaks fast.
Why do orphans play GTA so much?
Because they can be wanted for once.
How long does it take for a depressed person to change a light bulb?
5 days. & I’m pretty proud of myself.
A little riddle...
Trump has it short, Kennedy has it long, the Pope has it but he doesn't use it, what is it?
...
Obviously the Surname, what are you thinking about you pervert?
Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."
This kid was crying, so I asked him where his parents were. He just cried harder. I still remember him every time I pass that orphanage.
When my dad left, he said he would bring back the milk, but 20 years later he only came with my new sister and eggs. And I confronted him, and he said, "I used all the milk to make your sister."
You're so fat, every time you go in the elevator, it goes down.
