Time jokes

Your hairline goes so far back it remembers the big band.

Dad: If you study, then I will buy you a new iPhone.

Son: Okay, I'll do it!

5 hours later...

Son: I'm done!

Dad: I lied.

Son: So did I!

A man went to buy 5 undies, so he said, "Hi, 5 undies, please, 1 for each weekday." Then another man comes and said, "Hi, 7 undies please, 1 for each day, and they'll finish cleaning by Sunday." So the cashier said, "Now that's more like it!" And then another person said, "Hi, 12 undies please, wait, I'm gonna double check... January... fe"

What do you call an orphan's family reunion?

Me time.

Why can't orphans really play baseball?

Because when they do, all the other kids tell that joke that everyone has heard more than 50 times.

Yo mama so fat, her cheeks are in different time zones.

A special quote: “I was gonna slap that girl into tomorrow!”

What age is served for breakfast?

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.

I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

What's the worst time to fly a plane?

What is Saturn's favorite day?

Saturday!

One time I was with my uncle. He said to me to pass him the marble on the floor. All I heard was my butt clapping with his sausage.

One time, little Johnny was watching TikTok, and he saw a toy that he wanted so badly, so he cleaned up the whole house and did his homework. When he was done, he saw a spill on the table. He went to the sink to grab a cloth, but when he came back, it was gone. He went to his mom's room and saw a drink with the label "daddy's drink," so he drunk it and said, "It's daddy's; he won't mind," and all day he was like the Flash. So he went back, turned the bottle around, and it said "Speedy," and then he said, "Oh, great heavens!"

I said to the emo girl, "She gets jealous every time her phone dies."

2 7 73 53.

I'll give you time, figure it out.

Planes shouldn't have free Wi-Fi. Why? Because the last time they had free Wi-Fi, well here's what happened...

On September eleventh 2001, (children scream).

Next time you see a Brit, go up to them and say:

"Imagine losing a 'Tea Party in Boston.'"

I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.

Your mom is a slow comedian. It took her 9 months to make a good joke.

I poo 11 times a day.