Time jokes
What do you call someone who gets killed at 12 o'clock on New Year's? First kill of the match.
A Scouser at ground zero just after the twin towers fell asks a passer-by, "What time is it, mate?"
An American replies, "That's a mad accent, where are you from?"
The Scouser says, "Liverpool."
The American says, "Oh, what state is that in?"
The Scouser looks around and says, "About the same state as this, mate, but what time is it?"
Guy: Michael Jackson wasn’t in ancient times!
Me: hee hee egypt.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett? Six hours.
"What time is it?"
"Daytime."
Joe mama's so fat, her belly button gets home an hour before she does.
Yo mama's so fat that even Dora don't have time to explore her!
I can find the end of time before I find your hairline.
Yo momma's so fat, it takes her 1,000,000 hours on the toilet.
Yo momma is so old, she farts dust!
Yo momma is so old, her birthday's expired.
"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"
"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."
You're so fat, you went on a scale and it said, "One at a time."
Your hairline is so far back that even my dad wasn't fetching the milk back then.
Hey guys, it's Hailey here.
I'ma start off with henlo ;-;
I know you guys aren't going to believe me because of the assholes who were faking to be me, but if you can try to believe me, I'll explain.
So, Jake, we can't really be together anymore, since we no longer can chat. I'm so sorry.
Basically, my parents caught us on here as you realized. Yayyyy.
I don't have time to say anything else. So I've gotta go, but thankyou guys for everything you did for me.
Also, you won't get any response from me so yea. So sorry guys ;-;
Your children grew up faster than it took you to leave for the milk.
I can make 9/11 jokes, but every time I do, they crash and burn.
If I had a dime for every time I heard someone say that F was the villain (Alphabet Lore), I would be rich.
If you had a dollar for every time someone said you're ugly, you'd meet someone who wouldn't say you're ugly.
Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"