Time jokes

Yo momma is so old, she farts dust!

Yo momma is so old, her birthday's expired.

"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"

"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."

You're so fat, you went on a scale and it said, "One at a time."

Your hairline is so far back that even my dad wasn't fetching the milk back then.

Hey guys, it's Hailey here.

I'ma start off with henlo ;-;

I know you guys aren't going to believe me because of the assholes who were faking to be me, but if you can try to believe me, I'll explain.

So, Jake, we can't really be together anymore, since we no longer can chat. I'm so sorry.

Basically, my parents caught us on here as you realized. Yayyyy.

I don't have time to say anything else. So I've gotta go, but thankyou guys for everything you did for me.

Also, you won't get any response from me so yea. So sorry guys ;-;

Your children grew up faster than it took you to leave for the milk.

I can make 9/11 jokes, but every time I do, they crash and burn.

If I had a dime for every time I heard someone say that F was the villain (Alphabet Lore), I would be rich.

If you had a dollar for every time someone said you're ugly, you'd meet someone who wouldn't say you're ugly.

Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"

Cheer up! Old age doesn't last that long!

Your hairline goes so far back that it had dinner with Jesus.

One day I was texting my friend on Roblox and I made her mad. She told me she was gonna kill me.

That night, she told me to meet her at the bathroom at 2 PM sharp, but she made "sharp" in all caps. So I went to the bathroom at 2 PM the next day. Now I know what she meant by "SHARP" on Roblox... she brought a knife, and I was in hell by then. Like for the next part!

When I was in middle school, I was on my bus and people were doin' hairline jokes, and I heard this guy say, "Your hairline goes back to... uhhhhhh... 2042?"

Why don’t I shut myself all the time?

I can only fit so many pairs of kids in my mouth and stomach at the same time.

Wanna know something funny? Well, there was this one time when my parents were talking about their marriage.

Then after the wedding, they decided to make a joke, and then 9 months later, I was born. My birthday (4/1/06) April 1, 2006.

Life is like a box of chocolates; it doesn’t last long for people.

Being alive is so expensive, I am not even having a good time doing it.

Your mom is so fat that when she went to the dentist, the man said, "One at a time."