Time jokes
I’m light as a feather, yet the strongest person can’t hold me for five minutes. What am I?
What goes up but never comes down?
What is always in front of you but can’t be seen?
I’m tall when I’m young, and I’m short when I’m old. What am I?
My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.
When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
Your mamma so fat Thanos had to clap 4 times.
Sunday was a sad day, but yesterday was a sadder day.
What does the dumb kid say to the blind kid?
"Long time no see!"
Your forehead is so big it takes 3-4 business days.
Your forehead is so leaned back you can see the dinosaurs.
Yo mama so fat, her belly enters the room 10 minutes before she does.
What do you call an Emo in the hanging gallows?
Happy for the first time.
When is the only time Kamala Harris is using her head? When she is giving head.
What's the only time women are doing real work? When they are giving blow jobs.
Who are the fastest readers?
9/11 victims, they did 98 stories in 10 seconds.
What's the only time a Pentagon has four sides? When a plane intercepts into it.
How many times did Rob O'Neill shoot Bin Laden? 911 times.
Time really freezes when you're stuck on a sinking ship.
A friend called me a while back saying, "I have COVID.... I can't breathe, I really have a hard time breathing."
I reply saying, "Dude, you need to work on your George Floyd jokes."