Time jokes

At work: Hey guys, I'm gonna Arnold clock out now.

When you start sweating after filling in "C" for the third time in a row.

What's the difference between a white and a black fairytale? White begins with, "Once upon a time..." Black begins with, "Y'all motherf...s ain't gonna believe this sh.."

The date is April 1st.

Somebody asks you what you are doing.

“I guess you could say I’m... fooling around ( ✧≖ ͜ʖ≖)“

If the average male walks 1.7 miles a day, then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk?

Did you hear about the man who swallowed his watch?

He went to the doctor hoping he could give him something to help pass the time.

It's hard to predict the future,

especially before it happens.

My mom: "Dear, I don't know why your grandma is spending more time with her friend Carla, can you spy on her?"

Me: "Your mom gay lol."

My mom: "Don't talk about your grandma like that, you rude girl."

You: "Your mom gay lol."

*School shooting happens*

Foreign exchange student: *Sobbing under desk*

American student: "First time?"

What does your mother look like after I had sex with her eight times? An octopus.

I made an AR that shoots boo boo bullets. It does poison time 10x damage. You have a very good chance of getting STD. Very good AR. Going for 100,000. Email: EatandDrinkbouls@gmail.com

They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love.

I had to pay a hooker for twelve hours work.

... I felt nothing, but it was nice, being with someone who felt the same.

What month has 28 days?

All of them.

Doctor: I'm sorry, but you still have 10 seconds left.

Man: What?! What about my family?! My son is still missing! I can't just leave like that!

Doctor: Don't worry sir, I told your family.

Man: That's... great... if they found my son, tell them that I love him more than anything and I couldn't keep that promise.

The doctor watches the man closing his eyes while tears fell down from his eyes.

Doctor: I will... dad...

Tq for reading my crappy joke.

Q: What time does an Asian go to the dentist?

A: 2:30

I was 11 or 12 at the time.

Guy (passing me): "How are you doing?" Me, an autist: "Pretty bad honestly." Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...

If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.

What time should you go to bed when it's bedtime?

What is a chicken's favorite day of the week? Fri-day.

I tried to find my watch I lost last week, but I didn't have the time.

My dad and I were playing hide and seek. I still haven’t found him. It’s been 15 years.