Time jokes
Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the bathroom floor. Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did the splits and suctioned cupped herself to the floor.
She yelled out for her husband, "Bruce! Bruce!" and he came running in. "Bruce, I’ve bloody suctioned myself to the floor!" she said.
"S’truth, Sheila!" Bruce said, and tried to pull her up. "You’re stuck fast girl. I’ll go across the road and get me mate Cobber."
They came back and they both tried to pull her up from the floor. "No way, we can’t do it!" Cobber said, "So let’s try Plan B."
"Plan B?" exclaimed Bruce, "What’s that?"
"I’ll go home and get me hammer and chisel and we’ll break the tiles under her," replied Cobber.
"Spot on!" Bruce said, "While you’re doing that, I’ll stay here and play with her nipples."
"Play with her nipples?" Cobber said, "Not exactly a good time for that mate!"
"No... " Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are a lot cheaper."
"Eeee, is a time for a tree night out to a tree. 🌲 I can fly to the earth day to day day one night type and a walk in and a tree."
What time is it when your kids stay home from school? S'no time!
What time do you have when an elephant sits on your fence?
Time to get a new fence!
What time is it when you walk walk? Time to trip and fall!
What is the best time!? 6:22 a.m.
What time is it when you smell garbage? Time to run!
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas.
"I don't understand it, Doc," she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas." "Thankfully," she added, "they are at least silent when I fart."
Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him.
The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled.
The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".
Why can’t October fool April?
Because only April fools.
What is the difference between a human and a tree?
A human can walk and a house can walk to a tree, walk home, walk, walk, and walk, walk.
Yes, you are the one who can get it, and what time do I have?
What time is it when you say "bad day?"
What time is it when you walk out to the school?
Time to go to school!
What time is it?
What time do dogs 🐕 get a walk done ✅?
Time to walk with your dog 🐶!
What time is it when you cannot walk? Time to get a wheelchair 🦽.
What time is it when you get mad 😡 at school? Time to calm down.
Why did the clock out the library?
It tocked too much!
What time is it when you say no to everything? Time to get bored.
I wonder if the sun is going to rise every morning. Then it dawns on me.