Cow

Georgia

whats the hardest part when making skimmed milk? throwing the cow across the lake

Fire

Madison R.

Why Was The Blonde Fired From The M&M Factory?

For Throwing Out the W’s

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Doctor

Mils

An apple a day keeps a doctor away… at least if you throw it hard enough

Legs

BigDickBobby

A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says “What’s wrong?” The woman says “I’ve never been hugged before.” So, the man gives her a hug and walks away.

The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says “What’s wrong, now?” The woman says “I’ve never been kissed before.” So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away.

The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says “Oh, for Christ’s sake! What’s wrong, this time?!” The woman says “Well, I’ve never been fucked before.” So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells “YOU’RE FUCKED!”

Wrong

Taxes

Never attempt to foreshadow your own death you may end up regretting it, you can chop me up and throw me in the fridge if i’m wrong.

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Poor

Anonymous

Yo mama so dumb. She sold her car for gas money.~~ Yo mama so poor the ducks throw bread at her.

Butterfly

sofunnyitsbad

one day I came to my mom and said “MOM!!! I can make a butterfly!”

mom: “no you can’t…”

me: throws butter out the window me: “look I made a butterfly!”

lol this isn’t funny but I hope you liked it

Poor

Anonymous

Yo mama so poor, the ducks throw bread at her.

1

Planet

freshfry

how do you throw a space party? you planet

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Puns

Midget Widget

An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away… it can keep ANYONE away.

if you throw it hard enough.

Hospital

Track329

How do you start a rave? Throw a flashbang into the epileptic ward of a hospital

Jesus

Anonymous

Jesus walks in to a motel throws 3 nails on the counter and says can you put me up for a night

2

Baby

Anonymous

How many babies do you need to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

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Wife

Ilikeannoyingmyfriendswithjokes

3 men walk into heaven at the same time. they all live in the same city. god asks the first man “how did you die?” the man says “I have a heart condition and iv’e been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. anyway I get how from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hang of the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guys fingers! he falls into a bush so I throw a refrigerator on him.” God asks the next man “how did you die?” the man says I was cleaning the windows and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! luckily I fall safely in a bush! but then a refrigerator falls on me!" god asks the third man he says" I was the one in the fridge!"

Baby

Anonymous

What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make noise when you throw them.

Baby

Anonymous

what does a baby and a hand grenade have in common

                                                                              they both make noise when you throw them

Depression

Sad and lonely

If I was an object in this world I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I’m a star! Because one of these days I’m going to crash and burn…

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die I’d be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I’m like the sun; I’m painful to look at.

If I was a food I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I’m like an eggshell… broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature I’d be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I’m like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it’s dried up shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I’m like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I’m like the moon because as the month progresses my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I’m like an Ex streamly powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I’m like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I’m like a shity book cover… because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can’t afford to go through with the divorce and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape but the more they try the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety

Help me…

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Puns

sub to duckyisverycute

I am throwing a party in space can you help me planet

Cannibal

Anonymous

A missionary was caught by cannibals. we was tied up and thrown into a big pot. The cannibals were chopping up vegetables and throwing them into the pot with the missionary. When they lit the fire under the pot, the missionary said, “You can’t stew me. I’m a friar.”

Baby

Anonymous

How many babies does it take to paint a barn?

Depends on how hard you throw them