Why did Billy fall off his bike?
Because his dad threw a chair at him.
A guy is sitting at a bar when a drunk man walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk man comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The guy sitting looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk man walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what? Go home Dad!"
An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away... it can keep ANYONE away.
if you throw it hard enough.
When the school shooter throws a smoke bomb into the classroom, and the autistic kid thinks it's a dance party.
How do you name a disabled Asian?
Throw the wheelchair down the stairs.
What do you get when you throw a baby into the wheat thresher?
An erection.
What do you do when a person with epilepsy gets seizures in the bathtub? Throw in some laundry.
I got fired from my job today at a banana factory. They said to throw away the bad ones, so I threw away the bent ones.
What's the best way to catch a fish? Ask someone to throw it to you.
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.
One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."
The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"
The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."
So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.
"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."
The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"
The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."
The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"
How many babies do you need to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
Three men walk into heaven at the same time. They all live in the same city. God asks the first man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I have a heart condition, and I've been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. Anyway, I get home from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hanging off the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guy's fingers! He falls into a bush, so I throw a refrigerator on him." God asks the next man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I was cleaning the windows, and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! Luckily, I fall safely in a bush! But then a refrigerator falls on me!" God asks the third man, and he says, "I was the one in the fridge!"
"Twins sitting in class."
Me: Casually throws a paper plane at them.
Why did the woman throw her bills out the window? She wanted to send them via airmail.
Q: Why do orphans love boomerangs?
A: Because they actually come back.
My sister gives her hamster to my brother since she thinks I'm irresponsible, so I throw it out the window.
My aunt visited and saw all of the stuff around the house my mom had kept over the years and said, "If you have something that no one likes, and it only makes people upset, or it's useless, throw it away."
The next time my aunt visited, she said, "Where is your daughter?"
My mom said, "I took your advice."
What is more fun than throwing a baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
I am throwing a party in space. Can you help me planet?
What does a baby and a hand grenade have in common?
They both make noise when you throw them.
