Throw jokes

A guy cut me in the lunch line. After that, a rock was thrown at him by my friend.

What's meaner than taking candy from a baby?

Throwing the baby off a cliff.

Your mom finds a mirror on the scrapyard and says, "I would have thrown away a picture like that, too!"

What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?

Pull the pin and throw it back.

Teacher: Jeff, why did you throw a paper plane at the twins?

Jeff: You wouldn't get it, miss.

"Where are you? [Because you] make me wanna throw up every time I see you."

What would you throw between a priest and a nun? A bottle of whiskey.

If I was an object in this world, I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I’m a star! Because one of these days, I’m going to crash and burn...

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I’d be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I’m like the sun; I’m painful to look at.

If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I’m like an eggshell... broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature, I’d be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I’m like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it’s dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I’m like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I’m like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I’m like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I’m like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I’m like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can’t afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.

Help me...

What do a friend and a mouse have in common? They will both be angry if you throw bricks at them.

My sis told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry...

So I threw a coconut at her.

"Police control! Have you been drinking?"

"Go Pikachu! Thunder Clap!"

"Did you just throw a hamster at my head?"

I’ll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I’m a baker’s man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I’ll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you’re now worthless to me!

"Where are you? I need to throw you out because Mum said to take out the trash."

As he threw the mechanical pencil toward me, I knew that if I didn't move, I would be lead into serious trouble.

How do Chinese people get their names? Their parents throw woks down the stairs and name their children after the sound it makes.

If an Indian had powers, it would be throwing tika masala.

Why did John throw the butter out? Because John wanted to see the butterfly.

What can you catch but not throw?

A cold!

Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?

A: Throw in some laundry.

Someone was throwing Stephen King books at everyone. I had no idea why though...

Then IT hit me.