Throw jokes

I am throwing a party in space. Can you help me planet?

One day, an orphan bought a boomerang. He threw it, and it didn’t come back.

How do Asians name their kids?

They throw pots and pans down the stairs. (ching chong dong)

A missionary was caught by cannibals. He was tied up and thrown into a big pot. The cannibals were chopping up vegetables and throwing them into the pot with the missionary. When they lit the fire under the pot, the missionary said, "You can't stew me. I'm a friar."

Three men walk into heaven at the same time. They all live in the same city. God asks the first man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I have a heart condition, and I've been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. Anyway, I get home from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hanging off the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guy's fingers! He falls into a bush, so I throw a refrigerator on him." God asks the next man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I was cleaning the windows, and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! Luckily, I fall safely in a bush! But then a refrigerator falls on me!" God asks the third man, and he says, "I was the one in the fridge!"

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Someone chucked a brick at her.

Why did Sally throw a clock out the window? She had brain damage from the brick.

Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."

The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"

Someone was throwing Stephen King books at everyone. I had no idea why though...

Then IT hit me.

Why aren't apple chargers called apple juice? Also, how do you throw away trash cans?

They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.

My sis told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry...

So I threw a coconut at her.

How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?

Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.

Roses are red, violets are blue, if I had a brick, I’d throw it at you.

How do Chinese people name their baby? They throw pots down the stairs: bing bong ching chong.

What do you call 2 homeless people throwing rocks at each other? "Pillow Fight!"

A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs.

He asks her why she is crying, and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her, then jogs away.

The next day, he finds her crying again, and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.

On the third day, the man sees her crying and asks her thrice. She tells him she has never been fucked. The man picks her up and throws her in the pond, telling her, "You're fucked now!"

Q: Why did the father throw butter out the window?

A: He wanted to see a butterfly.

What's better than throwing dead babes?

Catching them after with a pitchfork.

How to make time fly?

Answer: Throw a clock out of the window.

Do you know why you should never let a blonde handle grenades?

They'll end up only throwing the pin.