Threw jokes

My girlfriend said onions were the only foods that make you cry.

Until I threw a watermelon in her face.

Two kids walked into a bar. They were covered with blood. The bartender asked what happened.

The youngest said, "Well, we were trying to paint our basement, but we threw the babies too hard!"

Today I was at PE, and I saw a kid in a wheelchair. I threw a basketball at him, and I yelled, "Rocket League!"

TRUE STORY!

X-Ray Tech: I broke my arm and went to the hospital. The X-Ray Tech was the hottest blonde I've ever seen.

I threw her ass down on the X-Ray table, ripped her clothes off, ripped off mine and I jumped on top of her!

Then I put the X-ray machine on top of us, turned it on and I looked up on the X-ray monitor and I watched and saw my sperm swimming up inside her!

I was in an argument with a "friend" at school. He said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

...so I threw a dictionary at him.

There once were 3 men on an airplane and one bit into an apple and said, "This is disgusting!" and threw it out the window. The 2nd man bit into a banana and said, "This is rotten!" and he threw it out the window. The 3rd man bit into a bomb and screamed, "ALL MY TEETH FELL OUT!" and he threw it out the window.

Meanwhile, on the ground, a police officer was walking and he saw a kid crying and he went up to him and asked him why he was crying. He replied, "An apple came flying out of the sky and hit me on the head!" The police officer said, "That is weird," and kept on walking. Then he saw another kid crying and the police officer asked, "Why are you crying?" and he answered, "A banana came flying out of the sky and hit me on the head!" The officer said, "This has been a strange day." Then he sees a kid laughing and he asked why he was laughing and he said, while he was laughing, "My dad farted and the house blew up!"

I wanted to see if she was anorexic, so I threw a Funyun at her to see if she'd use it as a hula hoop or inhale it.

Yo mama so ugly when she looked in the mirror, her reflection threw up and ran away.

One day, an orphan bought a boomerang. He threw it, and it didn’t come back.

I got in trouble today because I threw a lamp at the emo kid and said, "Lighten up!"

My teacher said, "Words don't hurt!"

So I threw my dictionary at her.

I was told to burn calories, so I threw your mom in the fire.

Yo mama eat so much that she threw up a thousand times and said, "Help me, son!"

I was beefing with a dude in a wheelchair, so I took his wheelchair and threw it across the street and told him, "Walk it off, you will be fine."

Friend says, "You were so drunk last night, you threw a mushroom at a midget and said, 'Grow, Mario, grow.'"

I said to my wife that she's so ugly that she threw a boomerang and it never came back.

My sister thinks she's so smart. She said, "Onions are the only food that makes you cry." So I threw a coconut at her.

Twin towers are like identical twins, and I threw a paper airplane.

I was on the Oregon trail with my friend's brother, Carl. He got cholera, so we threw him off the wagon. When we came back, he was having a seizure and pooping uncontrollably. It was pretty cholerious.

An American goes on a British bus after being in war. He wants to sit down, so he goes to the back of the bus to sit down, but there is an old woman on the seat with her dog in the next one.

The man says, "Will you move your dog?"

The lady says, "Oh, you Americans are always so demanding," and she says to sit somewhere else. He goes through and finds no seats, so now he's at the back again. This time he throws the dog out the window and sits down.

The man in front says, "You Americans always do things wrong. First, you drive on the wrong side of the road, then hold you knife and fork wrong, and you threw the wrong bitch out the window!"