This jokes
Grandpa: "Sonny, let me tell you something. There's only one damn thing in this whole world worse than Alzheimer's."
Boy: "What's that?"
Grandpa: "What's what?"
The most powerful thing in the world is babies. This is because they cry and get what every they want.
I don't think I'm allergic to this.
Why did the emo kid not cross the road?
He was waiting for a car.
I don't struggle with depression- like, at this point, I have it down. I'm good at depression.
I learned my dad got into a car crash this morning.
And my driver's license got revoked too.
I was shopping for a halloween costume, but once we got to the ghost section all of the costumes were out of stock! It turned out Pristiano Penaldo was buying them all! I came up to him and asked why he was doing this and he said: I’m sorry, but it’s match day, I must be a ghost 👻👻
When I was in middle school, I was on my bus and people were doin' hairline jokes, and I heard this guy say, "Your hairline goes back to... uhhhhhh... 2042?"
I told her she needed to put her dog on a leash, and her boyfriend is still on a leash to this day. 😮💨
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side. Y'all knew this one, fr.
White girl: So this crystal cures my depression and helps me lose weight?
Me holding a rock of meth: YES!!!
Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't wanna say this, but I have the flu.
I just saw people writing "Zoophile," "Ailurophile," and "Dendrophilia" in their bios. I thought this was cool, but when I wrote "Necrophile" and "Pedophile," I don't know why people started hating me as if I did something wrong. I was just trying to be cool like them, man.
Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.
"Hello, this is your captain speaking. We are flying at a level of 89 feet. If you look out of your window on the left, you will see the World Trade Center."
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine! Lol.
Man, I love this joke: Women's rights.
Yesterday, I was babysitting this woman's child. Everything was going perfectly.
I got hungry and called the mother. I asked if she wanted the baby back ribs I was cooking, but she said she didn't want any.
When she arrived she started screaming and ran to her child. I don't see why she was so upset, she said she didn't want any.
1. You can't wash your eyes with soap.
2. You can't count your hair.
3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out.
4. You just tried number three.
5. When you tried number 3, you realized it was possible, only you look like a dog.
6. You're smiling right now because you realized you were fooled.
7. You skipped number 5.
8. You just checked if there was a number 5.
9. This is not my joke; all credit goes to Steps.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
He was just feeling like he needed a break, you know? Life is hard when you're a rooster looking after your hen and chicks. He just wanted a sense of normality, walking out of the farm. He felt light-headed, staring into the distance. Then, at this very moment, he realised it was his darkest hour.
Join us for more of the story, after the break!