Why did the emo kid not cross the road?
He was waiting for a car.
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.
Bestfriend @3am: I love you.
Me: Love you too.
*wait whatttttttttttttttttttt*
I don't know if this is funny.
This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.
I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"
So I did...
I don't remember much after that.
This emo kid wanted to join a group of emos, but he didn't make the cut.
My name is Ethan, and I don't find this funny.
I was shopping for a halloween costume, but once we got to the ghost section all of the costumes were out of stock! It turned out Pristiano Penaldo was buying them all! I came up to him and asked why he was doing this and he said: I’m sorry, but it’s match day, I must be a ghost 👻👻
I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”
And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.
I told her she needed to put her dog on a leash, and her boyfriend is still on a leash to this day. 😮💨
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side. Y'all knew this one, fr.
There is a feminist group in my town.
It is called Gal-Qaeda.
(I actually got this from The Simpsons, so credit to the show.)
"Hello, this is your captain speaking. We are flying at a level of 89 feet. If you look out of your window on the left, you will see the World Trade Center."
Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.
When I was in middle school, I was on my bus and people were doin' hairline jokes, and I heard this guy say, "Your hairline goes back to... uhhhhhh... 2042?"
"This morning, I came out my front door to see my neighbor frantically trying to scrub off the word "PEDO" that had been spray-painted on his front window."
"What's been going on, John?" I asked.
"Fucking kids," came his mumbled reply.
The dirty bastard!
Why do people come on here just to say that we should not be making these jokes? They literally look this shit up just to complain.
While an unsuspecting father's at the office making money, this 18 year old son will spend his day in mother's cunny.
We're at the breakfast table, father eats and takes his calls, he doesn't know my mother's toes are kneading at my balls.
Man, I love this joke: Women's rights.
So who did it? the I.S.S. teacher said.
1 hour before:
So let me get...
Random person: Wait, what? You BROKE UP WITH HER!
Me: I SWEAR, JHONNY, THIS IS THE 3RD TIME YOU BUTT INTO MY CONVERSATION! SO... HERE... YOU... GO! *punches*
Why did the chicken cross the road?
He was just feeling like he needed a break, you know? Life is hard when you're a rooster looking after your hen and chicks. He just wanted a sense of normality, walking out of the farm. He felt light-headed, staring into the distance. Then, at this very moment, he realised it was his darkest hour.
Join us for more of the story, after the break!
