This jokes

My friend made this joke (so I’m going steal it). I’m surrounded by fat people, oh wait... it’s just one.

This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.

I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"

So I did...

I don't remember much after that.

There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.

Dagger. This is to get your attention, for Dagger Jr. and I. We'd like to speak with you, and possibly Lynx, if we can find a time to all talk.

When the priest said, "Be gone from this boy, demon!" the demon replied, "And you get out of the boy!"

I called an Asian person and asked, 'Is this Mister Wing?' 'No.'

I called once more and asked, 'Is this Mister Wong?' 'No.'

I guess I 'winged the Wong number.'

Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"

Me: power button.

I know this place may be cruel, but hang in there!

Me: Good night, everyone.

My friends and family: Night.

Me: *gets in coffin*

My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?

My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.

in can re;ate to this its always going through my mind

You look nice, and you seem like good fun, so if I give you this flower, will you finger my bum?

I found this game, it's like flappy bird: https://terrorist.group/

I remember waving at this guy in the street. The a**hole didn't wave back... Come to think of it, he was also swinging around a weird stick.

Bestfriend @3am: I love you.

Me: Love you too.

*wait whatttttttttttttttttttt*

I don't know if this is funny.

Can anyone answer this riddle? Apparently this is the world's hardest riddle! Good luck 😝

“I turn polar bears white, and I will make you cry. I make guys have to pee, and girls comb their hair. I make celebrities look stupid, and normal people look like celebrities.”

What did Michael Jackson say before he died, as far as his childhood? "This is it."

This emo kid wanted to join a group of emos, but he didn't make the cut.

My name is Ethan, and I don't find this funny.

A scarecrow said this job isn't for everyone.

But hay! It's in my jeans!

My boy, I think it is about time that I leave this world. Now draw your weapon and kill me now!

*draws a picture of his "epic" sword*

"What... WHAT... WTH ARE YOU DOING SIMPLETON? I DIDN'T MEAN THAT KIND OF DRAW!"