You could hold your breath for the rest of your life.
Think about it.
Family all eating at the table.
Brother: "Hmm, I think I feel gold."
Sister: "Stop the cap."
Brother looks under the table and says, "Nope, just a gold digger."
Dad laughed.
Stepmom storms out of the room.
I just did a test to see who my soulmate is, and it said "best friend." So I guess I am gay. I think so, WTF.
Sometimes I look at someone I hate and think, "I hope you get laid tonight."
By a tweaker with AIDS.
Your forehead so big you got to go outside to think.
New teacher: Everyone stand up if you think you are stupid.
Student: Stands up.
Teacher: Why did you stand up?
Student: I hate seeing you stand up there by yourself.
In 2006 on 6/9, there was something called communication opportunity happened. On 6/9. 69. Coincidence? I think NOT.
I think I am a boomerang because I always come back to you.
Yo momma is so stupid, she eats cardboard boxes thinking they're chocolate bars.
When I dunk my cookies in milk, I think of you. I hold them down until the bubbles stop.
I think about my life, and then I think about death. I prefer death. If you ask me, life is just a time when you die. Basically, death is life, meaningless 0-0.
I was thinking of starting up a stair company, but there were too many steps to it.
your sister is so stupid she only thinks a onion will make people cry.
so i throw a coconut at her
If you're born deaf, what language would you think in?
If you think vanilla and chocolate ice cream is just light and dark mode.
I'm gonna blow out your lungs faster than Joe Biden thinks is possible with a 9mm.
Kid walks in the door. "Mommy and Daddy, I'm home." Mommy and Daddy meanwhile in their room moaning. Kid runs to them thinking they're hurt and sees something he definitely shouldn't have.
10 minutes later, [he] kills himself.
Are your ankles having a party? Because I think your pants should come on down.
Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."
You might think that tigers or lions are the best jumpers, but in my opinion, it's emos, because some of them are still in the air.
