Things jokes
Hey, what are those things on your arms? They look like cuts. Wait, what? No, it's just marker. Nothing else...
People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.
Friend 1: What's the most disappointing thing that ever happened to you? For me, repeating a year.
Friend 2: Failing an important test. And you?
Then there is me: My life.
I told someone some jokes, y'know? "Fruit Ninja," "barcode legs," "French puppet thigh wrings." And she was like saying that's not cool and stuff. So she reported me, and it was like:
The counselor: "So I've heard you've been making sh jokes?" Me: "You say it like it's a bad thing." Her: "It is." Me: "Chill bro, it ain't that deep. Don't worry I'll end it :)"
I’m on top of things. Would you like to be one of them?
Funny thing is, dead women can't say no...
What's one thing your dad shares with black men? Your sister.
What is the best thing about being buried alive or burning to death?
No funeral costs.
What's the best thing about Switzerland?
I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
What is the only thing lesbians know how to grow? Cucumbers.
The best thing about an orphan? They don’t have to suffer from "your mama" jokes.
What starts with the letter M, ends with -arriage and is a man's favorite thing? Miscarriage. That joke never gets old, just like the baby.
Patient: "I'm starting to forget things."
Doctor: "Since when have you had this condition?"
Patient: "What condition?"
What's the worst thing about 9/11?
All of the stupid "Airplane" jokes.
I think I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.
I realized that a really bad joke and my life are the exact same thing.
What's the hardest thing when working with the severely mentally handicapped?
My dick.
What is this thing with Alya and Alex?
What's the most difficult thing about being a pediatric surgeon?
Keeping the scalpel steady while masturbating.
I just took an orange soda bath this morning. The next thing I knew, it turned out to be a river of Orange Crush.
What do Will from "Stranger Things" and the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air have in common? They're both named Will, and their lives both got flipped, turned upside down.