Things jokes

A man had 10 dead and bloody babies in the middle of his living room. The police suddenly knocked on his door. What is the hardest thing to hide?

- A boner.

Schools in the hood are kind of the same thing. I always seem to get shot.

Fail and fall mean the same thing when it’s downstairs.

So uh, I did this thing where I put soap on my brother's toothbrush, and then I put more on and colored it to make it look like toothpaste, and uh, he is constipated now. I AM EVIL :3

Two emos are dating, and the most romantic thing they have ever done is slit each other's wrists.

I'm sorry and I apologize mean the same thing, except at a funeral.

One thing led to another, now I have a new patio.

Why didn't the orphans stay at the park for days? Because they had no one to pick them up.

What's an orphan's best friend? A boomerang because it's the only thing that ever came back.

Friend: How's it going?

Me: Good, things are good!

Parent: How are you?

Me: Oh, I'm fine!

Twitter: Compose new tweet?

Me: Hellooooo, I would like to tell you about my anxiety & my current greatest fears & let's talk about the impending apocalypse while we're at it.

Three Things I Want For Christmas From Santa:

1. A Lambo

2. A House

3. UR MOM

Last post for today, but I had to say one more thing! Tomorrow I am going to Six Flags, and I am literally so excited! It is going to be so much fun. Hope you guys have a good MLK JR. day! Woohooo!

What is the only thing lesbians know how to grow? Cucumbers.

I tried my best using phone sex online, but the thing about it is the holes cannot fit through.

Things you say before sex, Disney addition:

"Have you seen my Mouseketool? Oh, Toodles!"

Girl: Come over.

Orphan: I can’t.

Girl: My parents aren’t home ;)

Orphan: Just two things I don’t have.

A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an Englishman. He says things like,

"It's an elevator, not a lift!"

and

"It's a bathroom! Not 'washroom'!"

He keeps going on until the Englishman says,

"Hey wanker, it's a school, not a god damned shooting range."

This rat did the most amazing thing ever; it was pretty radical, dude.

My ex misses me, good thing she'll never hit me.

My boyfriend is just like a sexy nerd and I still have to ask him things like that because I'm so distracted from him.

"What's 9 + 10?"

"21" (lol XD)

Also:

"My name Jeff" (Roar XD)

One more thing:

Ninja has ligma.