My cousin’s friend spelled “racist” wrong and when my cousin showed me, the first thing I said to my cousin’s friend is “Go to Grammarly. They REALLY teach you spelling.”
Last post for today, but I had to say one more thing! Tomorrow I am going to Six Flags, and I am literally so excited! It is going to be so much fun. Hope you guys have a good MLK JR. day! Woohooo!
Life is a bitch, and people make it worse.
This thing that I'm in ("am") is a forsaken curse (beta).
Hello everyone! I just came back! How are things going?
I tried my best using phone sex online, but the thing about it is the holes cannot fit through.
Things you say before sex, Disney addition:
"Have you seen my Mouseketool? Oh, Toodles!"
Me: I am the second worst thing that happened to these orphans.
Friend: What was the first?
Me: They- they weren't always orphans.
Friend: O-O
Why didn't the orphans stay at the park for days? Because they had no one to pick them up.
What's an orphan's best friend? A boomerang because it's the only thing that ever came back.
Friend: How's it going?
Me: Good, things are good!
Parent: How are you?
Me: Oh, I'm fine!
Twitter: Compose new tweet?
Me: Hellooooo, I would like to tell you about my anxiety & my current greatest fears & let's talk about the impending apocalypse while we're at it.
One thing led to another, now I have a new patio.
The Twin Towers traded planes with Afghanistan. The only thing is Afghanistan got scammed.
I'm sorry and I apologize mean the same thing, except at a funeral.
Two emos are dating, and the most romantic thing they have ever done is slit each other's wrists.
When your girlfriend says it is too small, you say, "Just enjoy the small thing."
What’s one thing Obama proved during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he’s still going to have the cops on his back.
What is the only thing lesbians know how to grow? Cucumbers.
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, flags big plus.
There are 3 things wrong with this world.
1. Spelling
2. Maths.
Some moving men had just begun their day's work.
The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch.
The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."
It's amazing how many things rhyme with blue.
Blue, sue, stew, poo, screw, new, boo, do, rue, glue, you, to, too, flew, you, goo, zoo, two, moo, woo, ooh, blew...
