Things

Things jokes

Shooting

The only thing funnier than the shooting of that healthcare CEO is imagining the look on his wife's face when she got the hospital bill.

Priest

When a Muslim dies, he gets 72 virgins.

It's the same thing with priests, except the virgins are children.

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  • Entertainment

    It would be pretty funny if something that's not a joke was the most liked thing. It would be pretty funny, I think, lol. Just a little funny, lol.

    Diarrhea

    There was this boy. He had diarrhea, and he kept asking to go to the bathroom, but the teacher said no. Next thing you know, he pooped himself in front of the class.

    Sister

    My sister thinks she's so smart and funny. The only thing that is funny is her face.

    Memes

    Ball

    Hey, do you remember that dragon thing?

    Draggin' these balls across your face.

    Language

    It's amazing how many things rhyme with blue.

    Blue, sue, stew, poo, screw, new, boo, do, rue, glue, you, to, too, flew, you, goo, zoo, two, moo, woo, ooh, blew...

    Orphan

    To all of you making jokes about orphans, it’s all fun and games until both of your parents leave you.

    LMFAO (my parents left me and it’s not the funniest thing ever)

    Flag

    What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

    I don’t know, flags big plus.

    Couch

    Some moving men had just begun their day's work.

    The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch.

    The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."

    Alcohol

    What is the similar thing between alcohol and anal sex?

    They are not for kids.

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  • Helicopter

    They finally released the audio recording from the black box in Kobe’s helicopter.

    Apparently when the helicopter caught fire, Kobe was sitting right next to the only fire extinguisher. You could hear everyone screaming for him to put out the fire, but he couldn’t figure out how to use it. They begged and pleaded for him to give the extinguisher to anyone else... the last thing you hear is Kobe saying “I’d rather die than pass it!”

    Nut

    This man came up to me and asked if I could sell my house to him, and I said sure. Then five days later, he said that the loan should come in the mailbox. Then I checked the mailbox, and the only thing I saw was nothing, so I told the guy, "DEEZ NUTS IN YOUR MOUTH!"

    Baby

    There were three babies in a mom's stomach. One baby asks, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" The other baby answers, "A doctor. I want to help people. What about you?"

    "I want to be an engineer. I want to make things. What about you?" he asks to the third baby.

    "I want to be a hunter."

    "Why?" the other babies ask.

    "I want to kill the snake that spits on my face."

    Jumper

    What was the last thing on the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?

    ...

    ...

    Their knees.

    *Ba dum tss*

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