Things jokes
A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an Englishman. He says things like,
"It's an elevator, not a lift!"
and
"It's a bathroom! Not 'washroom'!"
He keeps going on until the Englishman says,
"Hey wanker, it's a school, not a god damned shooting range."
My ex misses me, good thing she'll never hit me.
Life is a bitch, and people make it worse.
This thing that I'm in ("am") is a forsaken curse (beta).
What's the opposite of an exorcism?
When Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child...
The only thing funnier than the shooting of that healthcare CEO is imagining the look on his wife's face when she got the hospital bill.
Memes
What is the first thing you would do if you woke up as a woman?
"Probably the dishes."
What’s one thing Obama proved during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he’s still going to have the cops on his back.
What's one thing your dad shares with black men? Your sister.
When a Muslim dies, he gets 72 virgins.
It's the same thing with priests, except the virgins are children.
What is the worst thing to do at a funeral?
The corpse.
What's the best thing about stage 4 cancer... no stage 5.
My sister thinks she's so smart and funny. The only thing that is funny is her face.
There was this boy. He had diarrhea, and he kept asking to go to the bathroom, but the teacher said no. Next thing you know, he pooped himself in front of the class.
The only thing brighter than my cuteness is the fire on the Twin Towers.
It would be pretty funny if something that's not a joke was the most liked thing. It would be pretty funny, I think, lol. Just a little funny, lol.
To all of you making jokes about orphans, it’s all fun and games until both of your parents leave you.
LMFAO (my parents left me and it’s not the funniest thing ever)
What two things can you never have for breakfast?
Lunch and dinner!
It's amazing how many things rhyme with blue.
Blue, sue, stew, poo, screw, new, boo, do, rue, glue, you, to, too, flew, you, goo, zoo, two, moo, woo, ooh, blew...
Some moving men had just begun their day's work.
The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch.
The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."
There are 3 things wrong with this world.
1. Spelling
2. Maths.