Things jokes
The only thing funnier than the shooting of that healthcare CEO is imagining the look on his wife's face when she got the hospital bill.
When a Muslim dies, he gets 72 virgins.
It's the same thing with priests, except the virgins are children.
It would be pretty funny if something that's not a joke was the most liked thing. It would be pretty funny, I think, lol. Just a little funny, lol.
There was this boy. He had diarrhea, and he kept asking to go to the bathroom, but the teacher said no. Next thing you know, he pooped himself in front of the class.
My sister thinks she's so smart and funny. The only thing that is funny is her face.
Memes
Unless you wanna die
What is the worst thing to do at a funeral?
The corpse.
The only thing brighter than my cuteness is the fire on the Twin Towers.
What's the best thing about stage 4 cancer... no stage 5.
Hey, do you remember that dragon thing?
Draggin' these balls across your face.
It's amazing how many things rhyme with blue.
Blue, sue, stew, poo, screw, new, boo, do, rue, glue, you, to, too, flew, you, goo, zoo, two, moo, woo, ooh, blew...
What two things can you never have for breakfast?
Lunch and dinner!
To all of you making jokes about orphans, it’s all fun and games until both of your parents leave you.
LMFAO (my parents left me and it’s not the funniest thing ever)
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, flags big plus.
Some moving men had just begun their day's work.
The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch.
The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."
There are 3 things wrong with this world.
1. Spelling
2. Maths.
What is the similar thing between alcohol and anal sex?
They are not for kids.
They finally released the audio recording from the black box in Kobe’s helicopter.
Apparently when the helicopter caught fire, Kobe was sitting right next to the only fire extinguisher. You could hear everyone screaming for him to put out the fire, but he couldn’t figure out how to use it. They begged and pleaded for him to give the extinguisher to anyone else... the last thing you hear is Kobe saying “I’d rather die than pass it!”
This man came up to me and asked if I could sell my house to him, and I said sure. Then five days later, he said that the loan should come in the mailbox. Then I checked the mailbox, and the only thing I saw was nothing, so I told the guy, "DEEZ NUTS IN YOUR MOUTH!"
There were three babies in a mom's stomach. One baby asks, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" The other baby answers, "A doctor. I want to help people. What about you?"
"I want to be an engineer. I want to make things. What about you?" he asks to the third baby.
"I want to be a hunter."
"Why?" the other babies ask.
"I want to kill the snake that spits on my face."
What was the last thing on the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?
...
...
Their knees.
*Ba dum tss*