Things jokes
Why is it that every time I masturbate, things get out of hand?
Last week, I made a joke about leftists. Now it is time for me to take shots at the right, and then I will move on to centrists. But I just said the same thing twice.
I like it when your mom keeps on top of things.
(Male fantasy)
Yeah, on top of me on the living room carpet, snogging my face off.
What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?
"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."
See, this is the best thing about no such thing as vampires because I'd be the first person to say drinks are on me.
When my family goes to weddings, my senior relatives tell me things like “You’re next!” So I started doing the same to them at funerals.
What's the one thing that makes a depressed person jump? A bridge.
The only thing colder than Siberia is my girlfriend's ex!
MU, I love your joke, but I cut myself a piece of cake, pie, steak, cheesecake, and anything else I can find.
Okay, what do you call that purple thing in your mom's top dresser drawer that she calls her best best friend for some weird reason?
Dad better look out from Bob, battery-operated boyfriend, hahaha!
The only thing running in THIS family’s your big ass mouth! Oh, I’d better shut up, or Big Bertha’s gonna confuse my head for a burger!
Bro, your hairline and an athletics track have one thing in common: they look like Humpty Dumpty.
What is the same thing between water and dark jokes?
Not everyone gets it!
Leo must be a parking ticket... not because of the “fine” thing, nah, it’s because she’s OVERSTAYED her WELCOME.
I was watching The Perfect Murder with my boyfriend. It was a good movie, but the weird thing was that my boyfriend was taking notes throughout the whole movie.
They say that bad things happen to good people.
So if you get run over by a car just know you're a good person.
What do Roblox bots do that's both a type of meat and an annoying thing?
Spam.
What’s the best thing about sex with 119 year olds? There are 100 of them.
The thing about animals is every time you pick one up, you have to put it down.
"I think my baby is so similar to me!"
"True, but the most important thing is that he is healthy!"