Things jokes
Your hairline's so far back, I use it as a ruler to measure things.
What's the only thing that doesn't change in Alabama?
The last names after marriage!
I can't remember the last full conversation I had with my grandfather.
Good thing is, since he hit his head, he can't remember either.
They say that bad things happen to good people.
So if you get run over by a car just know you're a good person.
The thing about animals is every time you pick one up, you have to put it down.
Question: What's the smallest thing on earth?
Answer: Your brain.
The thing my mom birthed.
The circular saw asked the chainsaw, "When am I as big as you?"
The chainsaw would answer with, "When you cut down some things in your life. Like your owner."
The circular saw would reply with, "What?"
Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.
Next day:
Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?
Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.
The dad sulked for 3 whole years.
Proof that words really can hurt.
I was writing my final exams, and I saw a question saying to name the smallest thing in the world. To my knowledge, I chose an atom.
My Chemistry teacher said it was PSG. I was shocked beyond repair. Shame on you, PSG, I'm now a college dropout!
Butcher knives are great tools for cutting many things!
Fruit, vegetables, my arms.
What’s the best thing about a blowjob?
The silence.
So NFL teams were playing football on me, and then Justin Jefferson hit something called "the gritty" on me.
My dad owns a countertop store and sometimes he'll barter.
A lot of the time he will take things for granite.
A lot of counter-offers were made.
Sorry man, but I got to say one thing. You know when a bully in a movie walks to you, then they walk up to you, and they smell you and say, "What are you doing?"
Okay, I'm on my last nerve when people say "Water Shark Guy" and other things THAT ARE NOT MY NAME.
This is my name: watersharky!
Global warming will kill every single person on this planet.
It's a good thing I'm married.
Why do terrorists like the Twin Towers?
It's the next thing they blow up.
The one good thing about an orphan is that they don't get roasted with a "yo mama" joke.
Okay, is this the new thing, saying "Gwen" in your "joke," then people will comment and you can make more friends? If so, then I really need to be saying "Gwen" more in my "jokes or chats."