Things jokes
What’s one thing that an orphan can never get in poker?
A full house.
What an upside to being an orphan!
There's things called family-size bags.
My grandmother made her passage on a boat. The thing wasn’t the only thing that went down.
How did "Bloody Mary" become a thing?
Because her husband beat her bloody when she didn't stay in the kitchen.
My sister and a basketball got certain things in common.
My sister's tits and ass are bouncy like a basketball.
Memes
Why should a feminist never join the United Auto Workers, UAW?
Because the only thing that a feminist would do in the United Auto Workers, UAW is lick pussy all day in the woman's restroom.
The tables in my class are straight, but I can’t say the same thing for your hairline.
You know what's the difference between my basement and Chick-fil-A?
A lot of things.
What’s one thing that comes up at the worst possible time and ruins your day?
A period.
What’s the best thing about a blowjob?
The ten minutes of silence.
"Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church.
But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
Do you know why dinosaurs can't eat hyenas?
Because they're dead! The last thing they ate was some rock.
What was the scariest thing Helen Keller ever read?
The waffle iron.
Why do people hit their electronics when they don’t work?
You keep the tradition of hitting black things.
What’s one thing women need to know nowadays?
Their place.
What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?
Getting her husband's voice just right.
What's the worst possible thing to be playing during the funeral of a bridge-collapse victim?
Fall Guys.
My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.
What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?
"Where are the kids?"
Why is hand holding a couple thing? Because they touch each other's genitals anyway.