Things jokes
What is the last thing you wanna see during a prostate exam?
The doctor taking off his watch.
A guy is walking down the street when he almost steps in something. He looks down and says, "Looks like shit."
He crouches down and smells it, "Smells like shit."
He sticks his finger in, tastes it, "Tastes like shit."
He then smiles and says, "Well, good thing I didn't step on it!"
Why is hand holding a couple thing? Because they touch each other's genitals anyway.
What's the last thing to go through the minds of 9/11 victims?
Their kneecaps.
What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?
"Where are the kids?"
What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?
I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!
What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?
"Will there be seconds?"
My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.
You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!
Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patients to sleep, so I unplug them.
Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.
Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?
Woman: Two, I want a man who is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.
Man: Shit!
My girlfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
What's the best thing about Switzerland? The flag is a big plus.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.
They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.
What is the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?
Slick her hair, she looks 15.
Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals?
Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.
What’s the best thing about making out with dead girls?
They can’t say no.
What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?
Getting her husband's voice just right.
What’s one thing women need to know nowadays?
Their place.