Thing jokes
It's always the little things that make us laugh.
Why are blind people bad at catching things? Because they never see it coming.
Do you know why dinosaurs can't eat hyenas?
Because they're dead! The last thing they ate was some rock.
"Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church.
But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
What’s one thing women need to know nowadays?
Their place.
wear sweatpants.
What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?
Getting her husband's voice just right.
What did the drunk emo say to the bartender?
Nothing, she was hung over.
You know what's the difference between my basement and Chick-fil-A?
A lot of things.
You don't have to worry about running while boys are around. Even I can't see anything there.
How did "Bloody Mary" become a thing?
Because her husband beat her bloody when she didn't stay in the kitchen.
What’s one thing that an orphan can never get in poker?
A full house.
Why should a feminist never join the United Auto Workers, UAW?
Because the only thing that a feminist would do in the United Auto Workers, UAW is lick pussy all day in the woman's restroom.
The tables in my class are straight, but I can’t say the same thing for your hairline.
My sister and a basketball got certain things in common.
My sister's tits and ass are bouncy like a basketball.
Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.
Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?
Woman: Two, I want a man who is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.
Man: Shit!
My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.
What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?
"Where are the kids?"
Why is hand holding a couple thing? Because they touch each other's genitals anyway.
Random person: "What's one thing your ex gave you that you can't get rid of?"
Man: *Shows a picture of his child.*
When I hotline bling, I only need one thing.