Thing jokes

My grandmother made her passage on a boat. The thing wasn’t the only thing that went down.

You don't have to worry about running while boys are around. Even I can't see anything there.

How did "Bloody Mary" become a thing?

Because her husband beat her bloody when she didn't stay in the kitchen.

Why are blind people bad at catching things? Because they never see it coming.

Why should a feminist never join the United Auto Workers, UAW?

Because the only thing that a feminist would do in the United Auto Workers, UAW is lick pussy all day in the woman's restroom.

You're so poor, if I ever broke into your house, I'd give you things.

What an upside to being an orphan!

There's things called family-size bags.

The tables in my class are straight, but I can’t say the same thing for your hairline.

You know what's the difference between my basement and Chick-fil-A?

A lot of things.

What’s one thing that an orphan can never get in poker?

A full house.

My sister and a basketball got certain things in common.

My sister's tits and ass are bouncy like a basketball.

What did the drunk emo say to the bartender?

Nothing, she was hung over.

"Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church.

But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

Do you know why dinosaurs can't eat hyenas?

Because they're dead! The last thing they ate was some rock.

It's always the little things that make us laugh.

What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?

When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.

Try to make a joke, but not about yourself.

Well, I have nothing.

Why do people hit their electronics when they don’t work?

You keep the tradition of hitting black things.

What’s one thing women need to know nowadays?

Their place.

What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?

Getting her husband's voice just right.