Thing Jokes

So things are just too tiring to sort out... like which adoption center you should send your son to?

How did "Bloody Mary" become a thing?

Because her husband beat her bloody when she didn't stay in the kitchen.

I masturbated by accident. I read the wrong thing And tested its factuality.

Well, it's been some good years now, haven't they? Being your own partner has never felt so together.

Random person: "What's one thing your ex gave you that you can't get rid of?"

Man: *Shows a picture of his child.*

When I hotline bling, I only need one thing.

A black and brown dachshund walks with its back legs very stiffly while its front legs are more relaxed. The text on the image reads "Me playing with my son's thing when I change his diaper (The way it wiggles is funny)"

They say mistakes make you stronger. If that were true, then whoever made that nonexistent thing called “women's rights” would have muscles bigger than a white girl.

The first ever joke:

https://worstjokesever.com/jokes/52b8feb0514efb2cbf8ca375/what-is-the-second-hardest-thing-in-the-morning?

What is small, black and yellow, and drops things?

A fumble bee.

If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.

Why do orphans pick apples? Because that's the only thing they can pick.

Paddy and Murphy are walking down the street when all of a sudden, Paddy falls down a manhole. Murphy shouts down, "Paddy, is it dark down there?"

Paddy shouts up, "Dunno Murphy, I crnt see a fecking thing!"

I'm so poor that when robbers break into my house,

they bring me things. <_>

When the ugliest cat looked at you, then you search up the ugliest thing in the world, you show up.

Jim was caught beating a man up. Brooklyn took a picture of his license plate with her phone and told him, "Your life is ruined!" So Jim took a picture of her, and the next thing you know, he said, "Now my phone is ruined!"

What thing can an orphan do best?

Stay at home alone.

Did you know that chips taste like the baked potato in things called bags of chips?

A dog walked into a tavern and said, “I can’t see a thing. I’ll open this one.” The humor of it is probably related to the Sumer way of life (and has been lost), but the words remain.