Thing Jokes

What's the good thing about fucking 21 year olds?

There's twenty of them!

A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."

"Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"

Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"

The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."

"What the FU***** SH**"

Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.

Jesus stinks so bad he killed all living things in Heaven.

What was the last thing going through the minds of the people who jumped out of the buildings during 9/11?

Their ankles.

Bro, if you think about it, your mom and God have one thing in common... They're both big.

The image shows a text message exchange. The first message reads: "It's all good sweetheart, you don't have to worry about me." The response asks: "Sweetheart?" Then a message reads: "Is it okay if I call you that?" The answer is: "You can call me anything you like." The final message says: "Okay Optimus Prime."

Life sucks, and so does the vacuum, and other things.

Bully (😏): Name 3 things you don't have.

Orphan named Kaiel (😔): Um... a dog... a doll... and a credit card.

Bully (😡): NO!

Orphan named Kaiel (😟): Sorry, what???

Bully (🤣): Parents. Family. And a home with people you love.

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

Past, present, and future walked into a bar... things got tense :). Pls send help, yet once again :).

After the holidays, Ron asks Hermione: "How was the weather in Spain?"

Hermione: "No idea, it was so foggy I couldn't see a thing!"

What's the best thing about f***ing twenty-six year olds?

There's twenty of them.

Don't trust atoms, they make up everything!

What time is it when you cannot do anything?

You know chords, right? Well, you know what I love to do? To play with A-minor. You know, feel your fingers on A-minor. Gives you a sense of power, to just F A-minor.

But that's not my favorite thing to fiddle with. That would be the D of minors. It's just solid, you know. If you're clever you can have the D of minors into the C of minors. Or, though a bit tricky, the D of minors into the B of minors.

And at this point you've gotten the point and if I want to continue it would be a bit of a stretch.

What did the homeless person get for Christmas?

- Nothing.

So, I'm sitting here smacking on some cheese ball BBQ, my titties, and then I saw the most a shoe got shoveled all the way up my ass. I cried, then turned around and said, "MOTHERFUCKING COCK SUCK FUCKIN GAY ASS HOE SHOVIN SHOE'S UP MY ASS SON OF A BITCH!" Then turned around, punched the guy, got smacked in the face, went in for another punch, got smacked in the face, then people staring at me. I said, "WTF are you staring at?" I punched as hard as I can, then got knocked out. I thought this, "This isn't over motherfucker, I'm gonna find you and kill you." Next thing I knew, I was in the hospital. They told me, "Why tf were you fighting a stop sign?" I said, "What? You were fighting a motherfuckering stop sign?" I said, "Bitch, I ain't crazing yo head a stop sign son of a bitch fuck my pussy u must be high! hai es a bitch muhfuhcka"

Why did your parents abandon you?

Because the first thing you dad said to be was; "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WIFE."

I've been doing sex moves on myself so I can be ready when I have sex, and by far the funniest thing to do is finger my butt. I go 2 handed sometimes.