Thing jokes
There has to be someone that hates watersharky. He curses at you if you say one thing about his friends or him. He just is mean and needs to leave.
What's the sharpest thing in the world?
A fart... it goes straight through your pants without leaving a hole.
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
What does Joyce from the show "Stranger Things" say when she has a flat tire? "Wheil, wheil, wheres wheil?"
What do dino nuggies and the brown M&M have in common?
I want to fuck them both.
What's the best thing about 23 year olds? There are twenty of them.
What is an orange?
World's only not rhyming thing. Hehhhehehehehhe.
Why did the parachute break up with the skydiver?
Because it was tired of being taken for granted every time things fell apart.
"The truest things ARE the funniest things."
-Lollipop from JacknJellify, the BFDI series.
Do you want to be in Heaven with Jesus, our savior, or be on Earth with bad things?
What's the last thing to go through the minds of 9/11 victims?
Their kneecaps.
A guy is walking down the street when he almost steps in something. He looks down and says, "Looks like shit."
He crouches down and smells it, "Smells like shit."
He sticks his finger in, tastes it, "Tastes like shit."
He then smiles and says, "Well, good thing I didn't step on it!"
What's the most embarrassing thing about locking your keys in the car outside a pregnancy care center?
Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Covid.
Covid who?
The thing that killed half a billion people!
What's one thing that you can say about a train, but not your girlfriend?
20 years later
Johnny: Hey dad.
Dad: Yea?
Johnny: Fuck you, I ain't comin' back to your grave in 16 years, then ima come back, BITCH!
Dad: Doing the same thing I did to you and your mother, ay? I deserve it :( ;O not real...NOT A FUCKING ALL.
Johnny: Yea you kinda fucking do.
Dad:...
Hi, this is a good prank I did.
So, my brother LOVES his phone and so... I put it in the toilet and then flushed it, but it wouldn't go down. So, then I gave it to him and he threw it and then it broke. HAHAHAHAHAHA
(Prankster, tell me if you don't like me doing pranks because it is your thing.)
Bye guys! I hope you liked this prank! (And his phone did not really break, it just cracked really bad lol)
So my ex, who wouldn't leave me alone because she thought I was the best person in the world even though Will has a better haircut than me, but anyway, when we broke up she said I was the worst person she ever met, and I told her she looks like a cross between a beaver and a mole rat.
Then I told her she has the Wendy's logo haircut and then some other things I'm not gonna say. 2 years of bullshit, I was done.
Anyways, she cried lol.
An innocent boy is reading through his father’s phone, looking at the messages and trying to learn things about his family from them. He saw a message asking for something which seemed strange, but ultimately the boy decided to surprise his father with what it said.
“Timmy, why are there thirty-five cats in the living room?” shouted the father.
“I was only supplying what you wanted from Mother!” replied the boy.
What do orphans and Trump supporters have in common?
No one likes them.