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Thing jokes

There was a kid at school. He was reading a book and he came across a phrase. It was "purple pation." He went to his teacher and asked what it meant. His teacher said, "What the actual hell? Get the hell out of my class and go to the principal's office!" The principal said, "It's okay, it was probably a mistake. I will clean this all up. In the meantime, what's the phrase?" He says, "Purple pation." His principal stares at him for about 3 seconds, then says, "Get the hell out of my school. You are expelled!" He ran 7 miles to his dad's office crying all the way. He went to his dad and explained how his teacher kicked him out of the class and the principal expelled him. His dad said, "Calm down, I will clean this all up," and he said, "That's what the principal said. He said, 'I will clean it up'." He said, "OK, the phrase is 'purple pation'." His dad said, "I hate you, get out of my office. I don't want to see you again." He ran down crying to his house. He explained what happened. His mom said the same thing as everyone else, so he explains the phrase. His mom kicks him out of the house, and he ran down to the park crying. An old lady said, "What's wrong?" He explained what's happening. Then she says, "Well, what's the phrase?" He says, "Purple pation." The old lady said, "See that house across the street? That's my house. Come over in about 30 min and I will explain." He says, "Thank you." It was the longest 30 min of his life. He sprints across the street and gets hit by a bus.

Sorry guys ;)

This is about Gwen.

I don't know her, but people are just causing too much drama over one person who never said one thing to them.

Okay, I'm on my last nerve when people say "Water Shark Guy" and other things THAT ARE NOT MY NAME.

This is my name: watersharky!

Sorry man, but I got to say one thing. You know when a bully in a movie walks to you, then they walk up to you, and they smell you and say, "What are you doing?"

My teacher asks all of us in class, "What is your favorite thing in the world?"

Josh: Cookies.

Jacob: My parents.

Erika: My Friends!

Brody: Lamborghinis.

Me: Pulling over in a car in the middle of nowhere at night with my girlfriend and getting in the back seat where the magic happens... ;-)

My Teacher: Ok, everyone that was all good...WAIT A DANG SECOND!

*Everyone Looks at Me With A Weird Face....

One day, a priest is walking down the street and sees a little girl with a box. "What's in the box?" the priest asks. "Christian kittens," the little girl answers.

Pleased, the priest smiles and continues on his way.

A week later, the same priest is walking down the street with a nun when he sees the little girl and the box again. "Ask her what she has in the box," he says, "It's the cutest thing!"

The nun walks up and asks the girl what she has in the box. "Atheist kittens," she says.

The priest rushes forward and says, "ATHEIST KITTENS!!! Last week you said they were 'Christian kittens!!!'"

"They were," she says. "Now their eyes are open."

  • 6

    • Chapter 1. "Kid teacher"

    Mrs. Lewis: Class, I want everyone to look at their textbooks and find a reasonable essay topic. My suggestion is page 232 or 678. Now, this essay counts as the final grade for the semester. Now do it, or you will repeat 5th grade again! Now turn to page 100, and we'll start reading from there. Do you all understand?

    Neilela: Yes ma'am, quick question, we don't have to do it today... do we?

    Mrs. Lewis: Yes! It is today!

    Andrua: It sounds boring, and all I have to do today is be a big jerk who gives way too much instruction.

    Mrs. Lewis: Anyway, let's get to work.

    56 hours later.

    Mrs. Lewis: Kids, when I call you, please tell me what you liked about your essay. When I call your name, Carl.

    Carl: Why me? Yes?

    Mrs. Lewis: What did you like about the story, Carl?

    Carl: Um... I liked it when... um... um... um... um...

    Jeklen: He didn't even read the story because he's too busy trying to look up the letter "J" and its meaning!

    Carl: Jeklen, shut up and stop biting your hair.

    Jeklen: At least I know what the letter "J" is.

    Mrs. Lewis: Class, please listen. Carl, did you read the story that I asked you?

    Carl: Well, not really because you were the one reading it in class, so...

    Vronica: For real!

    Carl: Mhmmm

    Mrs. Lewis: Listen class, this homework needs to be done today! DO IT!

    Kimbriel: Ms. Lewis, I have a lot of questions about tonight's homework.

    Mrs. Lewis: Yes?

    Kimbriel: You assigned so many things just for a little test! What?

    Mrs. Lewis: I need a break! Peyton, you're in charge!

    All students: NO, NOT PEYTON !!!!!!

    Peyton: Me? In charge? Of the class?

    Jessica: Wow, but you're all about the boredom!

    Peyton: Shut up! yeeeeeeee

    Peyton: Ms. Lewis, there must be a mistake, how can I be in charge? I'm 11... I think...

    Ari: To think that yesterday she thought she was 8 years old.

    Oh sorry... I think.

    Mrs. Lewis: Have you ever heard of a teacher's vacation?

    All students: That's not a thing!

    I never heard of it...

    Mrs. Lewis: Well, me and Ms. Sumrall, we are going on a "teacher vacation", we can do it because we become calmer, or we don't get angry at the students. AND WE CAN DO IT!

    Khloe: Why?

    Mrs. Lewis: Because I am an adult.

    Ms. Sumrall: Is Petrina ready?

    Ms. Lewis: Yes, thank goodness for this!

    Kenya: Bye? "Chapter 2" To be continued...

    What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

    I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

    What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

    I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

    What’s the worst thing to happen to an orphan?

    Well, they weren’t always orphans.

    Jarod (😏): Man, Breya Smith is so hot! The things I would do!

    Y’uree (😟): Yes, but... she moved, remember? Her father found a new “job”, so she is now leaving until the fall.

    Jarod (😞): Ah yes! BECAUSE!!!

    Y’uree (😯): I don’t know, bitch. Maybe she has other things to do, or we can give her a good gangbang before she leaves!

    Jarod: (😒): No, I really want to fuck her by myself!

    Jarod (🤔): Hmmmmmmm... mhmmmmmm... ummmmm... hmmmmmm... not a bad idea!

    Jarod (🤨): Or not?

    Y’uree (🙄): Shut up, man!

    Jarod (😠): NO, I mean it! THAT GIRL HAS THE BEST ASS FOR ORAL SEX!

    Y’uree (🙄😒): Bruh... listen... gangbang... sex... the same

    Halyei (😊): Hello Y’uree and Jarod. How are you guys today?

    Y’uree (😏): Well, sexy girls like you should be ass-fucked or fucked so hard that all you can do is talk or nothing at all?

    Halyei (😘): Thank you, I suck dicks too!

    Jarod (😒): Are you Breya???

    Halyei (😕): No... do I like that flying bastard???

    Jarod (😣): Ugh... no... baby, you’re free to go!

    Halyei (😔): Sorry, I miss cursing and having sex with her too! (😟) Sorry for being an idiot. (😔) I really miss her. (🤔) Maybe you and I can give her a threesome??? (🙄) No, I’m not gay! ( ) WHY!!! (😌) Can you come to the please fuck me! It’s the fuckable girls contest and I want to win! (😨) Sorry!

    Jarod (😏): Man, Breya Smith is so hot! The things I would do!

    Y'uree (😟): Yes, but... she moved, remember? Her father found a new "job," so she is now leaving until the fall.

    Jarod (😞): Ah yes! BECAUSE!!!!!

    Y'uree (😯): I don't know, bitch. Maybe she has other things to do, or we can give her a good gangbang before she leaves!

    Jarod: (😒): No, I really want to fuck her by myself!

    Jarod (🤔): Hmmmmmmm..... mhmmmmmm..... ummmmm..... hmmmmm.... not a bad idea!

    Jarod (🤨): Or not?

    Y'uree (🙄): Shut up, man!

    Jarod (😠): NO, I mean it! THAT GIRL HAS THE BEST ASS FOR ORAL SEX!

    Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?

    Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.

    As I’m lying down on the table for a radiation treatment, a small angel lands on one shoulder, a tiny devil on the other shoulder. And then the mind game begins:

    Angel: This won’t last long. You are perfectly lined up. The treatment only lasts a few mins. Remember, stay absolutely still.

    Devil: Did she just twitch?

    Angel: No. She didn’t twitch.

    Devil: I think I saw her finger twitch.

    Angel: Well, even if it did, it’s her thigh the techs are aiming at.

    Devil: She wants to scratch her face.

    Angel: Stop it! She can handle staying still a few minutes.

    Devil: But her cheek has an itchy spot.

    Angel: She can just let it itch. She doesn’t need to scratch every itch. She will just have to think about something else.

    Devil: Wow...that cheek is really itchy...

    Angel: Think about: Flowers. Acrylic painting. Did the trash get picked up this morning? Her grandson Oliver’s smile...

    Devil: How about a song?

    Angel: Good idea!

    Devil: How about... “Never going to give you up. Never going to let you down....”🎶

    Angel: OMG! You just Rick-rolled her! She’s in the middle of a treatment! You know that’s the only part she knows!

    Devil: That’s okay. She’ll just repeat the words she knows over and over and over and....

    Angel: Don’t be so mean!

    Devil: “Never going to give you up...🎶”

    Angel: Stop it!

    Devil: Her toe! Her big toe! Did you see that? She just twitched it!

    Angel: No, she didn’t.

    Devil: I bet it screwed up the test and they have to start over....

    Angel: She didn’t screw anything up!

    Devil: She totally screwed the test up and they were more than halfway done. If they start over at the beginning, she will get too much radiation, and they will end up slicing her whole leg off!

    Angel: That’s not how it works...

    Devil: Or they just stop all together and she only gets a partial treatment and her tumor won’t get enough radiation.

    Angel: They know what they are doing!

    Devil: ...And it won’t shrink the tumor and the whole thing fails. And the doctor will have to amputate her leg.

    Angel: No! No! No! That’s not how any of this...

    Devil: ...And when they amputate, it will be at the hip and not below the knee because the tumor is in her thigh.

    Angel: Stop this right now!!

    Devil: “Never going to give you up....🎶”

    Angel: Stop!

    Devil: “...never going let you down....🎶”

    Angel: I’m not going to let you...

    Devil: “Never going to give you up...🎶”

    Techs: Okay. That’s it, Tammi! We are finished! How are you doing?

    Tammi: ...Oh, I’m fine.....

    Do you know when the thing of you when the was is where you and if you when you where if I and you where in the thing is where yes?

    There has to be someone that hates watersharky. He curses at you if you say one thing about his friends or him. He just is mean and needs to leave.

    Pain. Gained. Anxiety. Fulfilled. Insomnia. Depression. Always with me. Happiness... The one thing I can't have.