Thing jokes
Same old boring ass day, until a person with Parkinson's fainted and got everyone's attention.
He really shook things up today.
What's the only thing that doesn't change in Alabama?
Answer: The family tree!
What's the only thing that doesn't change in Alabama?
The last names after marriage!
What's the best thing about stage 4 cancer?
There's no stage 5.
My three favorite things are eating my family, and not using commas.
I was struggling on a math test when a girl in a wheelchair leaned over and said, "Hey, this is the easiest thing I've done all day."
I was triggered, so the next day when we were doing the pledge, I leaned over and said, "This is the easiest thing I've done all day!"
I told someone some jokes, y'know? "Fruit Ninja," "barcode legs," "French puppet thigh wrings." And she was like saying that's not cool and stuff. So she reported me, and it was like:
The counselor: "So I've heard you've been making sh jokes?" Me: "You say it like it's a bad thing." Her: "It is." Me: "Chill bro, it ain't that deep. Don't worry I'll end it :)"
People have been telling me that you can get things for free now.
The other day I saw a sign saying "FREE PALESTINE."
I was kidnapped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.
What is one thing blind people and orphans have in common?
They both can't see their parents.
What's one of the worst motivational things to say to a suicidal person?
“Hang in there!”
Or is she asking her son, "Do you know Newton?"
The boy said, "No, I don't know."
She said to him, "If you had paid attention to your lessons, you would have known him!"
The boy said, "Ok, do you know Ikhlod?"
She said to him, "No, who is she?"
He said to her, "If you had paid attention to your husband, you would have known her."
The important thing is that the boy is currently a week with his uncles and a week with his turbans.
Having cockroaches in the house is a sign that you've food.
These things are like Ugandan girls, they hate poverty.
I get so many things stuck in my head, though, unfortunately none of them were a bullet.
Your hairline and the universe have one thing in common: they’re yet to be discovered.
Hi everyone, today I am taking requests for anything you want me to say.
Hey, that's the thing my grandpa has. They say that to treat it, I should call him a bitch!
My brother apparently has this thing called "asthma". Anyway, I took his vape away today, and he was lying on the floor gasping for air, lol. He must really be addicted to it.
What's the worst thing to happen to a Japanese person in WW2... being drafted as a kamikaze pilot, or existing with a Fat Man or Little Boy?
A lion, Johnny Depp, and a hockey player from Nashville all have one thing in common.
They're all Predators!