They jokes
How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?
Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"
So I went to the binoculars shop the other day. Tell you what, they saw me coming.
I saw an advertisement for colored pens and how they write. They take a blue pen and write "blue," a yellow pen and write "yellow." I was inspired too.
I took a pen, filled it with my blood, and wrote "AIDS."
A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
Girlfriends are just like AK47s; they always go off on you.
What does a baby and a hand grenade have in common?
They both make noise when you throw them.
Why do orphans commit crimes?
So they can be wanted for once.
The only time rape jokes are okay; is when they aren't forced.
Straights are ALWAYS asking LGBTQ+ people why they have such GOOD FASHION SENSE. We didn't spend all that time in the closet for nothing, honey ;)
What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?
They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
Why can’t pedophiles ever win races? Because they are always coming in a little behind.
Today is the day of 9/11, and we were in class making jokes, and somebody said, "That's sad." I was like, "Why?" And they said, "Today is the day the towers went down." I said, "Just like I did on your mum last night."
Do you want to know the most racist game? Chess. You wanna know why? Because they never let black go first. I wonder why... lmao.
Why do cats leave scratches on arms? They don't; I do it myself.
Why does a woman never set boundaries with a Mexican? Cause they will always cross it.
Poor kids in American schools, they want books, but all they get are magazines.
Why should you be friends with emos? Because you get to scan their bar code for 20% off, and when it expires, they get rid of themselves.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They stuck her in a round room and told her to find the penny in the corner.
What do lesbians cook for dinner?
They don't, they just eat out.
Did you know ghosts are alcoholics?
They only come out for the boos.