They jokes

I know the voices in my head aren't real, but man, do they have some good ideas.

Why did the orphan fall out of the tree?

They thought their parents would catch them.

Why do orphans cry at insurance places?

They got offered the family plan.

What did the depressed kid do in P.E.? They played with the jump rope, but they used it the wrong way.

What did the two crewmates say when they were hanging on a rope? Polus up!

Why can't emos work at a restaurant? Because they cut too much.

What do the Titanic and the Montréal Canadiens have in common? They both sank to the bottom of the Atlantic.

Why do orphans prefer iPhones under the iPhone X? Because they have a home button.

You think people with glasses are smart, but they fail the eye doctor test.

So yesterday, I was at an orphanage, harassing children by twerking at them.

They burst into tears.

I was worried that they would call their mom, well... um... I got away.

Don’t criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.

So, when you criticize them, they won’t be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you’ll have their shoes.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can't find home, LOL.

Someone stole my grass today. I went to the police, and they said: "What's wrong?" I said, "How could you tell something was wrong?" They replied, "You were looking forlorn."

The most powerful thing in the world is babies. This is because they cry and get what every they want.

What did the momma grape say to the pappa grape?

"Raisin' our kids is usually pretty fun, but sometimes they get sunburn and I have to take them to the doctor for dry skin."

Why don’t orphans play baseball?

Because they don’t know where home is.

How do mountains see? They peek.

Why do bugs hate the internet?

Because they always get caught.

Get it? Inter-net?

Why do ghosts love elevators? They lift their spirits!

Why do Pirates say "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"?

First time out at sea, they prepare for battle and say to their commander:

"The canons be ready, Captain!"

"Are," says the Captain (correcting their grammar).

"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!" they all exclaimed!