They jokes
How do mountains see? They peek.
It is reported that when Churchill met Stalin at Yalta, they discussed their hobbies.
Churchill said: "I collect the jokes people tell me about me."
"That's a coincidence," said Stalin, "I collect the people who tell jokes about me."
Why do Pirates say "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"?
First time out at sea, they prepare for battle and say to their commander:
"The canons be ready, Captain!"
"Are," says the Captain (correcting their grammar).
"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!" they all exclaimed!
Why do ghosts love elevators? They lift their spirits!
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
Memes
So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.
When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"
He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."
Has anybody noticed that the New York City football team is the New York Jets? They sure know how to scare the Twin Towers.
Why were the Twin Towers disappointed?
They asked for a pepperoni pizza and all they got was a plane.
What's the difference between YouTube adverts and orphans?
Most get skipped no matter how interesting they are.
Why can't Asians play baseball?
Because they ate all the bats!
Why were the Twin Towers mad?
Because they bought a pepperoni pizza, but they got plane.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, grabbed her thigh, and said, "You know you wanna." Jill said yes and pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a daughter.
Haha, I fucked you over!
Why do orphans kill people so they can finally be wanted?
Yo mama is so fat, they had to flood the Super Bowl to give her a bath.
Why do orphans go to church?
Because they can call someone "father."
Why are Indians so good at football?
Each time they get a corner, they open a shop.
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)
What did the planes say when they were smashing or passing the Twin Towers?
Smash.
(Get it?) 9/11.
Why can't orphans eat chips?
Because they come in family size.
What do a blind person and an orphan have in common?
They both cannot see their family.