They jokes
Why can't orphans be gay? They got no one to call daddy.
What's the difference between 911 and the stock market in the 1930's?
Nothing, they both crashed.
What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make a loud noise when thrown.
Why is the USA so bad at chess?
Because they already lost two towers.
Why are Trump's ties so long?
Because they go all the way to Russia.
Why are women like hurricanes?
They come in nasty and wet, then leave with your house and car.
Anyone want a free pizza? Because you liking a pizza with toppings that not many people enjoy allows you to eat the entire guilt free pizza, that they said they didn't want and everyone already offered you a slice of.
When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could fly a plane.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
'Cause they can never hit a homerun.
How many Emos does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They all just sit in the dark and cry.
What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?
They both get turned on by kids.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They can't find a home.
A teacher asks a boy in her class, "If 3 birds are sitting on a fence, and one is shot, how many are left?" The boy responds with, "None." The teacher asks why. "They would all fly away after hearing the gunshot." The teacher says, "The answer is 2, but I like the way you think."
Later, the boy asks the teacher, "3 women walk out of an ice cream shop. One is eating with a spoon, one is licking it, and one is sucking it. Which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking it." The boy says, "No, the one wearing the ring, but I like the way you think."
Why do orphans support slavery?
They finally have an owner.
I was happy for once, and my family was happy I was happy, but that all changed when they found out I was thinking about bridges and humans.
What do teenage girls and happy meals have in common?
They both come with a toy.
Why are orphan weddings so entertaining?
They get to walk themselves down the aisle.
I love vegans because they save more meat for us.
Sister: Wanna know the difference between your singing and your flute playing?
Me: Sure... (Expecting a completely different response than what I get.)
Sister: Nvm, they have no difference.
Me: *Confused*
Sister: They're both horrible.
Why do priests like kids in wheelchairs? Because they can’t run.