They jokes

A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing.

They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing, then his friend calls and he is groaning. He said he was having cramps, so the husband tells the doctor, "Doc, turn it up to 40%!" So he does, and his friend throws up, so he said, "Doc, turn it up to 100%!" and his friend dies.

Cause they about to taste my Morbius! I got that acrimonious odious Cause the bats are copious My blood flow is harmonious Bout to act felonious You know they hating us And we getting treasonous Woo when they get bit with the Morbius! I got that acrimonious odious Cause the bats are copious My blood flow is harmonious Bout to act felonious You know they hating us And we getting treasonous Woo when they get bit with the (Morbius) (Morbius) (Morbius) (Morbius) (Morbius) Morbius (His name is Dr. Michael Morbius)

Americans are so fat that they named an atom bomb "Fat Man" to describe themselves.

The inmates are yelling 12...12...12... in the courtyard.

A man walking by is interested why the keep chanting 12...12...12... so he sticks his head through the fence and the inmate poked the man in the eye.

Moment later they start chanting 13...13...13...

I was in a maze and I got to the end and they congratulated me. I said that was a-maze-ing!

What do cheetahs do when they get a test?

They cheat!!!

What's the same with a controller and a woman?

They both work if you hit them.

Remember kids, if ever you're bored, kick an orphan.

Who are they going to tell? Their parents?

Dude, has anyone made a joke about small foreheads? Oh wait... they would be nonexistent.

What do Jim Kelly and Dick Cheney have in common?

They both make terrible hunters.

So, a bus crashes, killing everyone on the bus, and God feels so bad that He gives each one a wish.

The first person comes up, and she wants to be beautiful, so God makes her beautiful, and she goes into Heaven. The next person comes up, and he says, "I want to be beautiful as well." As this goes on, the last man in the back begins laughing a little, everyone becoming beautiful, until God asked the last person what they want, and he said, "I want everyone in front of me to be ugly again!" So God had to call the based department and gave him everything that last guy wanted.

I walked up to a group of moms having a conversation while waiting to pick up their kids from day care. They were using cutesy words like "ankle biters", "rug rats," and other terms I've heard parents use before when describing their toddlers.

I thought I'd chime in; as it turns out, "carpet muncher" doesn't mean what I thought it does.

Question: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?

Answer: Because they taste funny!

A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.

He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.

He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait.

Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line.

What is the similar thing between alcohol and anal sex?

They are not for kids.

Did you hear about the two burglars that stole a calendar?

I hear they got six months each.

Y'all really need to stop hating on pedos!! At least they drive slow in school zones! God.

Why should you put an orphanage by a cemetery?

So they can always see their parents.

What is an emo's most hated game? Hangman.

Because it's rubbing it in their face that they can't hang themselves.

They say people are 75% water.

But I’m 75% an orphan and 25% useless.