"Don't sneeze!"
Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.
Also,
"It dangles and swung!"
Language art quizzes are the best.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account? They were prime mates.
I love stairs. They always bring me up.
Idiot 1: Why are cows good in math?
Idiot 2: I don't know why.
Idiot 1: Because they have built-in cowculators!
They told me Avengers: Endgame was going to be 3 hours long, but honestly? I felt like it was over in a SNAP!
Do you like tree jokes? Because they leaf me in tears!
Why aren't dogs good at dancing? Cuz they have 2 left feet!
Do chiropractors have to pay back taxes?
Only when they file jointly.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is...
My brothers kept annoying me.
I told them I would disembowel them if they kept it up.
It was an empty threat—right after I was done.
Why didn't anyone laugh at pizza jokes?
Because they were too cheesy!
Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?
A: 9/11 victims. They went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.
What do crows get after they buy a phone?
A cawing card.
You could say ancient Egyptians and JDM car fans are alike--they both worship Datsun.
Roses are red, Velvet is blue, So are violets.
I would tell you my jokes about pogs, but they would eventually get too boar-ing.
Why aren't dogs known as carrots? Because they aren't.
If you want to punch someone, just punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Why can't England play chess?
Because they have no queen, and they will soon lose their king.
What does weed and the Carolina Panthers have in common?
They both get smoked in bowls.
