They jokes

What do they call me when I jack off?

Pulled pork.

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?

Get in the car.

Anyone who says they don't like cats has never had one cooked right...

Q: What does Pakistan love to do with India when they go to war?

A: Surrender their 93,000 soldiers.

Why can’t orphans play sports?

Because they don’t have a home team.

I went up to a kid and asked, "Are you an orphan?" They said, "Yes, what gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They never hit home.

Why do US suck at chess? We lost both our towers.

Why is England so good at chess? They still have their queen.

Why does Russia suck at chess? They only have pawns.

A friend texts to another:

"Hey." They reply, "What's up?"

The first friend then replies with a simple answer, "The sky!" But the other friend intervenes and says, "No, it's the ceiling!"

To then the first friend finishes the greeting with, "Unless you're homeless or six feet under."

I complimented my neighbor's skeleton decoration for Halloween, but they just told me that it's their anorexic daughter.

Three nuns are on their way up to heaven after having been involved in a terrible minibus crash on the Italian Alps that killed them and the driver (he went the other direction!).

As they're approaching the Pearly Gates to be interviewed by St. Peter, they are requested by an attendant to form a single line and wait. Sister Agnes is first, Sister Bernadette behind her and Sister Carmel on the end.

Finally, St. Peter approaches the nuns to determine their worthiness for entry to Heaven.

He says to the first nun: "Sister Agnes, have you ever seen the penis of a man?"

Sister Agnes bursts into tears and says: "Yes, St. Peter, I have, but please don't let this prevent me from entering the Kingdom of Heaven."

St. Peter says: "Never fear, my child. Say a thousand Hail Marys and then go over to that font of Holy Water and wash your eyes out, then you shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

Sister Carmel sees what's going on and taps Sister Bernadette on the shoulder, somewhat urgently.

"Pssst - hey Bernie"!, she says.

Sister Bernadette asks: "What is it?" A little annoyed.

Sister Carmel says: "Do you mind if we swap places"?

Sister Bernadette replies: "What for"?

Sister Carmel says: "Well, I wouldn't mind gargling before you stick your ass in there!"

I saw a disabled person in the super market. They were at the vegetable aisle.

Why do pedos hate corona? Because they have to stay two meters away from children. 😈

A man went to a Ford dealership hoping to find a car, but he said they weren't affordable.

Where do boats go when they get sick? The dock.

What is the difference between the Titanic and the Twin Towers?

They both went down.

I find all these obese jokes horrible.

Don't you think they have enough on their plate?

Joe Biden is the first president in history to have a vice president on record claiming they believed sexual harassment allegations against him.

I don't know about you, but I think that's a pretty big elephant in the room!

People see this Rolex and they kill themselves.

Motherfucker, that's a suicide watch!

Why can’t orphans have sex?

They have no one to call “daddy.”