They jokes
Little Johnny walked to his parents' room. They were having sex, and Little Johnny didn’t know what that was, so he said, "What are y’all doing?"
The parents replied, "Umm, r-rapping presents!"
Little Johnny said, "Okay," and then left. In the morning, Little Johnny opened his presents. His parents said, "This one is from Santa!"
Little Johnny said, "No, it’s not, y’all said y’all were rapping the presents."
The parents said, "Ohh fuck!"
Little Johnny replied, "What, Mommy and Daddy?" They replied, "Oh, nothing!" "Oh, okay," Little Johnny said. The mom whispered in the dad's ear, "At least he doesn’t know the truth."
Little Johnny said, "What truth?"
It doesn’t make much sense why autistic kids run down the hall screaming racecar noises.
I mean, they aren’t in wheelchairs, so I don’t know why they do it.
Little Johnny's mom got a call from school saying to come over. As she does, she is met by the principal. They go into his office and the principal says, "Your son is going to be suspended for a week for blowing clouds in the bathroom." The mother responds, "He is fifteen, how is he blowing clouds already? Bring him in here." A boy walks in, and Johnny's mother says, "This isn't my son, bring him in here, I would like a word with him." The principal replies, "Ma'am, this is Clouds." The mother faints.
Two kids walked into a bar. They were covered with blood. The bartender asked what happened.
The youngest said, "Well, we were trying to paint our basement, but we threw the babies too hard!"
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where's Trump's clock?"
"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.
How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they can't change anything.
Why were the Twin Towers mad when they ordered pepperoni pizza?
Because they got plane.
Who are the fastest readers?
9/11 victims, they did 98 stories in 10 seconds.
I got a call from McDonald's; they want their sign back.
How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb? None, they can't change anything.
I am just kidding, you know gay jokes aren't funny, come on guys.
Your momma is so old, when she went to the antique store, they wouldn't let her leave.
Orphans are like a trash can; they live outside.
Why didn't the Twin Towers order cheese pizza?
They like pepperoni, not plane!
Why do pirates say, "Argh my Hardees?"
Because that's how you tell when they have the hards.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Most likely because they can't find home.
When you go to a baseball game and they say, "Heads up!" and you put your head up, and the ball hits you in the head.
Why can’t orphans watch Netflix?
Because they don't know what age rate they are...
Women be like, "Equal rights, equal pay," then decide that they don't want to do labor intensive jobs.
What does a blind man and your dick have in common?
They both can’t get up without a dog.
I went to the mental hospital. I asked one of the kid what its favorite animal was. They said a bird. I asked for a reason. It's because they both jump off roofs.