They jokes
Why didn’t the girl like stairs?
They were always up to something.
They asked to tell them a joke, so I said no.
There were 3 guys in detention called Zip, Willy, and Pee, and they were all being naughty. The teacher came in and said, "Zip down, Willy out, Pee in the corner."
No one wanted to hear my ocean puns, they said they were too fishy.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Owl say.
Owl say who?
Yes, they do.
Why do they tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every play has a cast.
Why do New Zealanders have sex with sheep on the edge of cliffs? They push back harder.
There was a person inside who needed help from the police, but the police changed their number, so he ordered a party with pizzas from 2 airplanes, but the pilots were stupid, so they put people instead of pizzas, and one landed on the 93rd floor and the 94th floor, literally.
Q: Why are gay people never late for their flight?
A: They get their shit packed the night before.
What did they call Susan B. Anthony when she was sleeping on the job?
Snoozin' B. Anthony!
I give props to pedophiles.
They always go slow in the school zones.
What does a kid with cancer and dark humor have in common? They never get old.
Dark humor jokes are like kids with cancer.
They never get old.
Why are retards good at basketball?
'Cause they dribble all the time!
Why do men have penises?
They gotta shut women up somehow.
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.
So, there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here, so take your drink, mates, and fuck off."
He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense," replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, he's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!" He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink, he opens with, "Say, aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."
"Sweet victory" fans: Fuck the NFL. They should be disbanded!
Harvey Weinstein: I raped five girls, and the NFL was one of them.
What happens if an Asian walks into a wall with a boner?
They hit their nose on the wall.
There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night. The police told us to stay inside until they shot him.