They jokes
What’s a similarity between a priest and McDonald’s?
They both shove their meat between 10 year old buns.
Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite, and if they do, hit them with a shoe till they're all black and blue!
The sun is out, and the pedo vans are out.
Parents, keep your kids away from ice cream vans. Once they hear the sound, you'll never see your kids again!
Why didn’t the girl like stairs?
They were always up to something.
Why is a pro fighter like a fisher?
They both can throw a hook.
Can't believe this movie came out in 2005.
There was a person inside who needed help from the police, but the police changed their number, so he ordered a party with pizzas from 2 airplanes, but the pilots were stupid, so they put people instead of pizzas, and one landed on the 93rd floor and the 94th floor, literally.
Q: Why are gay people never late for their flight?
A: They get their shit packed the night before.
I give props to pedophiles.
They always go slow in the school zones.
What did they call Susan B. Anthony when she was sleeping on the job?
Snoozin' B. Anthony!
What does a kid with cancer and dark humor have in common? They never get old.
Dark humor jokes are like kids with cancer.
They never get old.
Why do men have penises?
They gotta shut women up somehow.
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.
So, there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here, so take your drink, mates, and fuck off."
He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense," replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, he's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!" He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink, he opens with, "Say, aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."
"Sweet victory" fans: Fuck the NFL. They should be disbanded!
Harvey Weinstein: I raped five girls, and the NFL was one of them.
What happens if an Asian walks into a wall with a boner?
They hit their nose on the wall.
There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night. The police told us to stay inside until they shot him.
Why do orphans play tennis? Because that's the only thing they love.
What do skeletons say before they eat?
Bone appétit. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
During WWI and WWII, the infantry would use shovels as weapons and to dig trenches. I bet they really dig that weapon!