They jokes
What’s a similarity between a priest and McDonald’s?
They both shove their meat between 10 year old buns.
What does Michael Jackson and McDonald's have in common?
They both use 30-year-old meat in between two-year-old buns.
There was a person inside who needed help from the police, but the police changed their number, so he ordered a party with pizzas from 2 airplanes, but the pilots were stupid, so they put people instead of pizzas, and one landed on the 93rd floor and the 94th floor, literally.
Q: Why are gay people never late for their flight?
A: They get their shit packed the night before.
What did they call Susan B. Anthony when she was sleeping on the job?
Snoozin' B. Anthony!
I give props to pedophiles.
They always go slow in the school zones.
What does a kid with cancer and dark humor have in common? They never get old.
Dark humor jokes are like kids with cancer.
They never get old.
Why do men have penises?
They gotta shut women up somehow.
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.
So, there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here, so take your drink, mates, and fuck off."
He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense," replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, he's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!" He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink, he opens with, "Say, aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."
"Sweet victory" fans: Fuck the NFL. They should be disbanded!
Harvey Weinstein: I raped five girls, and the NFL was one of them.
What happens if an Asian walks into a wall with a boner?
They hit their nose on the wall.
There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night. The police told us to stay inside until they shot him.
Men should pay for the first date, that’s why it’s called a (men)u.
Then women should do the dishes, that’s why they call it a dish wash(her).
In Israel, they don't have Walmarts; they only have Targets.
What do Hitler and Trump have in common? They both do hand gestures.
What does Nemo have in common with my dad?
They both can't be found.
If they made a movie about your sex life, what would the title be?
Mine would be "Alien Vs. Predator."
You could say Japanese car fans and ancient Egyptians are alike—they both worship Datsun.