They jokes
In kindergarten, we were starting to learn how to use "big kid words." On Monday, the teacher asked everyone to share what they did over the weekend, but we had to use big kid words.
Eventually it got to my turn, and the teacher asked me what I did over the summer. I told her I read a book. She asked me what book, and to remember to use "big kid words." I'll never forget the horrified look on her face when I replied with "Winnie the Shit."
Why can’t orphans go to the hospital? Because they don’t get homesick.
They say that the tongue is the strongest muscle in the human body. Wanna fight? 👅💦
So a lady was walking down the street with two bags, and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills. A cop pulls up and he says, “Ma’am, ma’am, your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills.” Then she says, “Oh, thank you. I wonder how long that’s been going on.” And the cop says, “Before I help you, may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bills?” And the lady says, “OK, I’ll tell you. So I live next to a stadium, and I have this beautiful rose garden, but these dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes. So they stick their junk through the fence, and I grab their junk. I said, ‘$100 dollars or it’s coming off.’” The cop says, “Oh, OK, well what’s the other bag for?” And she says, “Well, not all of them want to give me $100.”
They said time heals all wounds, well, I broke your watch.
Don’t criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.
So, when you criticize them, they won’t be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you’ll have their shoes.
How did the guys with Down syndrome split the dinner bill? They all made a down payment.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
I keep trying to call my emo friend. They keep hanging up.
Why do balls be hairy? Cause they stinky!
If every time someone faints when they see your face and I get 1 cent, I would be a trillionaire.
When a fat person wants to kill themselves, why are they so worried? The diabetes will get to them sooner or later!
What do you get when the queen farts a noble gas?
What do you get when a dino farts? A blast from the past.
Why are ninja farts so dangerous? They are silent but deadly.
What’s one good thing about a pedophile?
They drive slow in school zones.
What do emo kids and Hitler have in common?
There's gonna be more brains on the wall when they lose something.
Who were the fastest readers? 9/11 victims. They went through 95 stories in 10 seconds.
You learn something new every day.
Like the people in 9/11 are the world's fastest readers; they went through 100s in under a second.
Man: Stop with these orphan jokes!
Me: Why? Are they going to tell their parents on me?
Four cows went to the county fair. They saw a sign that said that next year animals can enter a singing contest. They decided that they would enter next year. So they called their group the "4 Cs Quartet" since their names were Clementine, Candy, Cookie, and Columbine.
They discovered how they could win. After a discussion, they decided to eat as much corn as possible, so they would sing in perfect 4 part hominy.
What is the difference between the assassination of César and the assassination of Jesus?
They were both killed by Romans.